Elon Musk | NewsBiscuit

Elon Musk’s stated determination to have more children, on top of the 14 he has already, raises the possibility that in the future, all living human beings will have at least some Elon Musk in their DNA.

With this in mind, genealogy company 23andMe has said it plans to offer customers the option of knowing what percentage Elon Musk they are.

'Of course, this won’t be compulsory,' said the company. 'If you’d rather not know, we can just put it down as ‘South African heritage’.'

As this option isn’t available yet, we have produced this handy guide to determining whether you might be one of Musk’s offspring.

1) Do you have a ridiculous name? If your name is Techno Mechanicus, Seldon Lycurgus, Exa Dark Sideræl or X Æ A-Xii, it’s highly likely you are a child of Musk. However, this test is not considered conclusive, as you may also be a Geldof.

2) Do you find yourself paying court to vile people, pretending to be impressed by them just because they have power?

3) Do you often fire people for no reason, then frantically rehire them when you realise they were doing something important?

4) Do you spend a fortune building spacecraft which invariably blow up when you try to launch them?

5) Have you designed a road vehicle so ugly, it actually looks better after it’s been vandalised?

6) Is Amber Heard trying to sleep with you? (NB This only applies if you’ve inherited a lot of Elon’s money.)

7) Do you have a freakishly large puppet head?

8) Are you creepy as hell?

Image by amorimbiotec from Pixabay

It's unpredictable, dangerous, and watched open-mouthed by billions around the globe as the carnage unfolds. Nope, not Donald Trump's second presidential term, but the Grand National. Who is your money on this year and with more fences than a New York mobster to navigate, will your pick end up safely back in the paddock or the glue factory? Here's Newsbiscuit's annual guide to the runners and riders:

Trumpy's Tariffs - notoriously volatile performer wearing distinctive orange colours of her owner. Had some stablemates but owner now insisting they carry an extra 34%, 20% or 10% of weight on their back after claims of looting, pillaging, raping and plundering of his stables for many years. Anything is possible from this absolute mare. Odds 10-1 to 34-1 (bizarrely rising to 46-1 for Vietnamese betters).

Call me Keir - promised much after a 158-length victory in the glorious sunshine of the Westminster Hurdles last July. Has struggled to find top form since, however. Appears uncomfortable leading from the front, and has made major errors in the Winter Fuel Payments Chase, and Welfare Cuts Stakes. Trumpy's Tariffs stole a march on him in most recent outing leaving him struggling to respond apart from calling for 'cool and calm heads. Seems to like softer ground. 5-1

Reeves Robotic Recital - increasingly gloomy performances over recent months. Trainer and owners have sought to downgrade expectations with most recent statement in March offering little optimism. Has faced questions about alleged exaggeration of past racing experience. May be wearing a £7,500 saddle and reins, kindly gifted by a friend. Possibly last outing for this faltering filly 2-1 (just hearing that this has been cut to evens in the Spring Statement by the OBR)

Just Say Thank You- front runner, always ridden aggressively by jockey JD Vance. Seems determined to Make Everyone Grate Again after recent fiery televised Oval Office Stakes, teaming up with Trumpy's Tariffs to unfairly hinder Volydymyr's Pride. 50-1

PGCE Three - unfairly barred from a 2 horse boat race this weekend, after owners of Oxford Blue complained about pedigree and breeding of this Cambridge horse. Will try its' luck at Aintree now, before heading off to face bigger hurdles in the classrooms of primary and secondary schools across the country. 10-1

Rashford's Revenge - has done nothing for a year, after trainer placed him in exile and entered his 63 year old goalkeeping coach into races instead. Yet since a move to the Midlands this classy horse has hit some form. Return to Manchester may depend on his trainer eating some humble pie, which seems highly unlikely. 5-1 (Fans) Favourite

Roll with It - coming out of retirement for a farewell 2025 set of races to include Wembley, Cardiff and Heaton Park. Always a feisty performer, and good to watch, even at £300 for a standing ticket. But unclear whether one of both of the horses' jockeys Liam and Noel will last the distance. Internal feuding, cigarettes and alcohol may have affected this horses' ability to perform. Best days may be Half a World Away so punters may need to wait to put the Champagne (Supernova) on ice. 66-1

Davey's Stunts - enjoying a revival in fortunes, but appeal remains limited by its steadfast insistence on holding the centre ground. Increasingly wacky training regime, with horse regularly appearing at theme parks and funfairs, always accompanied by TV cameras. Nearly came a cropper at one such event riding down a waterpark slide when a couple of hairy policy announcements almost slipped out of the side of his trunks. 72 (MPs) - 1

Musk do Better - first outing for this tempestuous horse since the Inauguration Stakes at the White House in January, when cautioned after allegedly raising a fetlock in a Nazi salute just past the finishing line. 10-1

Image: YenniVance - Pixabay

23andMe to offer 'What percentage Elon Musk?' option

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Grand National 2025 - your Newsbiscuit guide to the runners and riders

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