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Liberal Democrat leader Sir Ed Davey, after an election campaign that was characterised throughout by attention-grabbing physical stunts, announced today he's decided to join noted circus troupe Cirque du Soleil.
The troupe are known for their spectacular shows, often in Las Vegas, featuring astonishing acrobatic feats. It's thought Sir Ed has been practising descending from the ceiling wrapped in a huge ribbon which gradually unwinds, the troupe's signature move, though he will no doubt learn other routines once he's a member.
Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash
Keir Starmer is surfing a tsunami of personal popularity as he begins to remake 10 Downing Street like a shining city upon a hill. As he forges a fair and just society for all, the sheer force of his charisma whips the people into a frenzy of happy adulation and Starmer is carried shoulder high throughout the land, women holding up babies for him to bless with his touch.
One soothsayer commented 'It is as the ancient prophets and scriptures foretold. A new Jerusalem. His feet, walking upon England's (and even some of Scotland's) mountains green. A new Camelot. A new golden age of philosophy and enlightenment. He is accompanied by a flame haired woman quite a long way to his left, a slightly sensible woman balancing books and chaos with Ed Miliband.'
Starmer woke with a start as the campaign bus pulled into a leisure centre in Milton Keynes. 'What a strange dream' he thought. 'Now remember, you're the son of a tool-maker, not a tool.'
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