Rishi Sunak has allegedly unveiled his master disaster plan to some aides, including Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst who confided 'Using his background in finance Rishi has essentially put a giant negative spread bet on the number of seats the Tories might win. So the worse it is, the better.
'Rishi will unleash a string of truly, wildly idiotic policies and promises, mostly from the drawers marked 'break glass in case of culture wars' and 'rejected Rees-Mogg erotic fantasies'. Weirdly, compulsory military uniform for 18 year old boys was in both. Anyway, the idea is for the Tories to be so far behind by general election day, Rishi won't need to hang around. He can take his jet to his California mansion, surrounded by piles of cash and enjoy the 4th July fireworks, independent from being PM.'
