Layabout crackpots up and down the country are being 'ignored' by all the major political parties claimed Ron Jenkins of Clacton, speaking from his inflatable ostrich, Kevin, whilst waiting for cash in the attic to start.
'They always bang on about the ordinary, hard-working voter - what about weirdos?', said Mr Jenkins, speaking in Klingon.
Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay
'You look fed up with electioneering already,' the Wet Nit said in an anxious tone: 'let me tell you a policy to inspire you.'
'Is it very long?' Alice asked, for she had heard a good deal of campaigning that day.
'It's long,' said the Nit, 'but very, very important. Everybody that hears me proclaim it—either it brings the tears of laughter into their eyes, or else—'
'Or else what?' said Alice, for the Nit had made a sudden pause.
'Or else it doesn't, you know. The name of the policy is called 'National Service'.'
'Oh, that's the name of the policy, is it?' Alice said, trying to feel interested.
'No, you don't understand,' the Wet Nit said, looking a little vexed. 'That's what the name is called. The name really is 'Modern Culture'.'
'Then I ought to have said 'That's what the policy is called'?' Alice corrected herself.
'No, you oughtn't: that's quite another thing! The policy is called 'Community Service': but that's only what it's called, you know!'
'Well, what is the policy, then?' said Alice, who was by this time completely bewildered.
'I was coming to that,' the Wet Nit said. 'The policy really is 'Anything To Grab A Headline': and I'm making it up as I go along.'
Picture credit: Wix AI
Here are some of the tracks on the new album 'Now 2024: Now That's What I Call A General Election' -
Conservative - 'Easy Come, Easy Go' by Elvis Presley
Labour - 'I Heard It On The Grapevine' by Marvin Gaye
Lib Dems - 'Don't You Forget About Me' by Simple Minds
Green - 'Imagine' by John Lennon
SNP - 'My Perfect Cousin' by The Undertones
Reform - 'We're Only Making Plans for Nigel' by XTC
Plaid Cymru - 'My Little Empire' by the Manic Street Preachers
Count Binface - 'All I Ask Of Myself Is That I Hold It Together' by Ned's Atomic Dustbin
DUP - 'I'm Going Slightly Mad' by Queen
Sinn Fein - 'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits
Britain First - 'Run Like Hell' by Pink Floyd
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
