'White House' in Washington D.C. puts UK care homes to shame

As the care sector in the UK continues to struggle with funding issues and staff payment and retention, across the Atlantic care for the elderly is taken extremely seriously if the example we viewed is anything to go by.

The 'White House' in Washington D.C. is a residential home with facilities that many places in the UK can only dream of. As our guide, Mary Koplinski, explained, 'We believe our residents deserve the best as they approach their twilight years.'

The best includes a swimming pool, movie theatre, solarium, music room, chocolate shop, games room and bowling alley. Also impressive is the ratio of staff to residents. Mary told us, 'We currently have one 81-year-old gentleman, who is a little unsteady on his feet and with a tendency to get very confused. However, looking after him is a staff of over 500, attending to his every need. Occasionally he takes little trips out, but we pick him up and help him back to his room. Otherwise he mostly sleeps a lot.'

Unlike UK care home costs of upwards of £1,000 per week per resident, the White House costs are all fully funded. However, every resident does need a bankroll of several million dollars to pay for the application and selection process.

Mary was quite excited about possibly seeing a return visitor in January next year. 'Another elderly gent who was last here about four years ago. Then it was respite care, mainly for his family's benefit, to give them a break. Some of the elderly can be very demanding and at times irrational. This time he will require extra supervision as he's become more paranoid and delusional, but that's fine. We just ensure he doesn't touch anything inappropriate, such as shiny red buttons, or female interns.'

Image: David Everett Strickler (@mktgmantra) | Unsplash Photo Community

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Tory strategist Clementine Carruthers clarified 'I assume when Rishi says he's targeting the over 50s, he just means he's targeting winning over 50 Westminster seats at the next election - out of 650 total.'

'The PM doesn't want to disenfranchise - or make disappear - every voter under the age of 50. Or does he? The under 50s must be stopped. Were you caught buying a vape, like a young person might do? Marked for death. Offered your seat on the bus to a kindly old lady, who gave you a Werthers Original to say thanks? Death. Do you still have hopes and dreams for the future? Definitely death.'

'To secure the Saga vote, you need to put your campaign lies onto the side of a cruise ship instead of a bus. This will create a blue rinse, blue wall... forever!'