Rachel Reeves gives a kick to the economy

Driving Examiners to take over at the Treasury

The Treasury is to sack all its economists and will replace them with staff from the agency that runs driving tests (the DVSA).

While Treasury officials have watched prices increase by 57% since 2009, the cost of a driving test has remained unchanged since then at £62. This must mean that the driving test folk have found massive cost savings to avoid raising prices. If the cost of a driving test had risen at the same rate as inflation, it would now cost over £97.

Almost everything else that is priced by the government has gone up – passports, prescription charges, rail fares, car tax, fuel duty, stamps – up, up, and UP!

Treasury ministers will task the driving test examiners to work their magic, and tell other government departments how to keep costs DOWN, while still delivering all the services the public expect. Let’s hope they don’t ask the economy to make an emergency stop!

Image: WixAI

Wicked Tories have stolen the economic growth lever, claim Labour

"We always said the Tories were vile and callous," said the Labour Party's chief economic strategist, "but we never thought they would stoop this low.

"When Rachel Reeves and I were together at the London Playschool of Economics, the classroom assistants would tell us tales of an economic growth lever which stood in the enchanted garden behind Number 11, Downing Street.

"They said that anyone who pulled it during a recession, and tapped their heels together thrice, could start a boom which would make every business in the UK a world-beater, and every citizen as rich a wealthy and contented homeowner.

"Imagine our horror! Once we'd freed the land of 14 years of Tory rule and entered the chancellor's residence, we poked around in the shrubbery but could find no trace of it.

"We can only imagine that the evil Conservatives have squirrelled away the growth lever in their lair in Matthew Parker Street. Even worse, they never pulled the growth lever themselves - undoubtedly because they've always wanted the UK to be poor and bankrupt.

"Rachel told her fellow elves in cabinet that she would be confronting the Tories with their rotten deeds in the Commons. However, Prime Goblin Starmer told her she needed to keep really quiet about magic levers and enchanted gardens in public, for fear it would make Labour look even dafter than it did already."

image from pixabay