Man happily surprised to find out all fast track places sold at airport

Martin Bosworth's annual stress-inducing trip to the Algarve, accompanied by his wife and at least three children he recognises, was expecting the stress to be off the scale this morning when he turned up at the airport, realising he hadn't remembered to book a fast-track place in the security queue.

'I'd been advised to book in advance for a fiver, then the one and a half hour wait should have been cut to five minutes, tops,' he said to reporters today. 'When we walked in we immediately took our place behind the half mile long snake of a queue, but were approached by an official who wanted to see our fast track booking reference. When I explained I hadn't booked fast track he forced us to leave the queue and stand in the non-fast track alongside, comprising of three people. Through in minutes,' he said beaming.

'Now all I need to do is arrange to have my baggage lost, trampled by a tractor and sent to the wrong continent. Then - I can relax,' he said.

Flight Simulator 2022 : UK Flights Edition to launch

Enjoy the disappointment of your cancelled holiday from your home with the UK Flights edition of the Flight Simulator series. Building on the thrill of not being able to take off or land due to incomplete pilot skills, you can experience the flight simulation from the perspective of simulated passengers - or passengers as most airlines refer to them these days.

You will experience the accurately modelled hours of tedium and frustration felt by thousands as all of your flights are cancelled after a six hour wait, unless you are still using a Pentium in which case you will have this experience on any version of flight simulation.

But wait... even more... buy the expansion pack and experience the excruciating joy of days on hold waiting to make your compensation claim while your simulated baggage is directed on to several other cancelled simulated flights before being crushed by simulated baggage trolleys and sent to a simulated destination you will never see.

Image: https://pixabay.com/users/tobiasrehbein-11751606/

First immigrants sent to Rwanda 'disappointed' flights are by Ryanair

Following weeks of desperate escape from war torn regions, and a terrifying encounter with Priti Patel after an 'interesting' journey across the English Channel, the first illegal immigrants, or refugees as they are sometimes referred as, have expressed 'deep regret' that they may now scheduled to fly to Rwanda by Ryanair.

'I can take the delays and the lousy airport food, but the 'upgrade' from a free seat to one with padding, arms, back and seat; the 'optional extra' for use of the indoor toilet in-flight for a surcharge, the charge for mediocre sandwiches at exorbitant prices and the mind boggling surcharges for one carry-on, two carry-ons or carry-ons with hold baggage that fail to address my handkerchief-tied-to-a stick luggage requirement,' said one of the first customers today. A spokesperson claiming to be from Ryanair said their pricing was fair and transparent, but insisted the length of the stick must not exceed 60cm, else a £20 - £40 surcharge will be payable, depending on the time of day.

Other travellers on the inaugural Rwanda flights are more pragmatic. 'It's a sh!t destination,' agreed one of them, 'but according to a spokesperson the nearest provincial airport to Kigali International Airport in Rwanda is Beauvais Tillé Airport in France, so I'll just hitch-hike back to Calais and jump on a li-lo,' he said.

image from pixabay