Liz Kendall shoots guide dog

Having decided to go pure evil, the Work and Pensions Secretary said anyone avoiding work would be taken to the woods and shot. When questioned as to whether this was ethical she snapped a pair of crutches over her knee and stamped on a hearing aid - while someone was still wearing it.

Her approach would be carrot and stick. The stick is forcing thousands of disabled citizens into abject poverty. While the carrot would simply be rammed up their arse.

Saving £5bn in benefits would also help fund the sudden big increase in burial pits and wheelchair disposal. Disabled Groups said they were concerned that this could pressure the vulnerable into assisted suicide, her aide remarked 'We bloody well hope so.'

Wetherspoons fear profits could suffer under stricter PIP rules

A spokesman for Wetherspoons Pubs today asked the Government to rethink stricter PIP rules which they believe unfairly disadvantages their regular clients.

Inviting Wes Streeting to visit his local Wetherspoons, the Spokesman say he will meet drinkers or lager enthusiasts as we like to call them that that rely on PIP to keep their hydration levels up. Drinking from 11am to 7pm doesn’t come cheap and if you add in a quick Chicken Tikka, costs soon mount up.

Giving an example, he said, Big Dave (not his real name), is only slowly recovering from being triggered when a so called friend suggested that Dave could apply for a job at his local Tesco.

Despite being fully aware of Dave’s deep seated phobia of work, the friend went onto list the shifts available, some starting from as early as 10am, Dave is only now after intensive counselling starting to feel confident enough to leave the safety of his favourite booth.

What rubs salt into the wound says Wetherspoons is that all our drinkers feel betrayed, they all Voted Reform only to be stabbed in the back by Labour.

Photo by George Bakos on Unsplash