Britain has reached out to the feral youth gangs who brought down local council rule in Slough. Foreign secretary David Lammy confirmed the UK was in touch with the unnamed new de facto ruler of Slough, who heads local youth gang, the Slough Massifs. The Massifs were formed in the early noughties as they took advantage of the failure of Slough town council to arrest rampant crime, drug use, and bin collection disorder.
However, the Massifs have now seemingly distanced themselves from their origins in drug dealing and street theft, with instructions to members not to be seen out in hoodies or ballies. Speaking last night, a representative of Lammy said, ‘The Slough Massifs remain a proscribed organization, but we have established diplomatic contact using EncroChat.’
The new Massif regime has pledged to bring back a sense of unity to Slough, and to rid the town of its reputation as the most miserable place to live in the UK. ‘We will retain the town’s unitary state. To this end we have already been in touch with regional partners in the Middle Berkshire East.’ But the Massifs have a long road ahead. ‘We know we face an uphill task combating the gangs, homeless people, and drugs that we were largely responsible for spreading.’
Meanwhile, the foreign office was clear about what they wanted to see happen in Slough. ‘We want to see Slough’s skunk and Ket stockpiles secured. And we want to see the Slough Massifs distance themselves from Maidenhead’s weed fundamentalist-leaning ABM (All Bout Money) Crew.’
