The entire adult population of the UK is still in the running for both iconic roles, all with the necessary acting talent, all except for James Corden.
The fact that anyone could be considered, is a tribute to diversity casting but also a comment on how sh$t Idris Elba’s agent is. Asked about the millions listed, one Producer said: ‘That’s slightly shorter than an NHS waiting list’.
A major milestone was reached yesterday as Annie Briggs from Stevenage became the first woman in history to reach adulthood without committing a single crime. She believes that growing up with a female lead in the only show on television was key to keeping her on the straight and narrow.
'I'm very proud to have achieved this milestone for women,' Briggs said at a special press conference, 'and I owe it all to Jodie Whittaker for playing Doctor Who on TV. Before that, we thought that the moral principles of a fictional time lord could only apply to men, so I might as well just go and kill someone, but now thanks to Jodie we know it's actually women they apply to exclusively.'
The news provides a much needed positive boost as society continues to struggle with the sudden onslaught of roaming gangs of young men who, bereft of male role models on television, have taken to the streets looting, murdering and making ritual sacrifices to the Kray twins.
Future criminal Oscar Oldroyd is 8 years old and confirmed his intention to live a life filled with villainy and heinous deeds because Dr Who is a played by a woman.
‘Dr Who is at least 900 years old and from the planet Gallifrey. I know it’s a story though.’ said Oldroyd, thus demonstrating a greater understanding of the difference between fact and fiction that most Tory Culture Secretaries.
The news that Dr Who is a fictional immigrant rather than a real one is thought to have turned Priti Patel into whatever the opposite of a weeping angel is.
Oldroyd continued ‘However, the Doctor is played by Jodie Whittaker and it could even be another woman next. As a result I’ve got no alternative but to grow up and steal from grannies on pension day, just to sustain the cocaine habit I’ll develop working as a merchant banker and later a Tory MP and later a disgraced Tory MP. If Matt Smith or David Tenant were still doing it, I’d be on a righteous path - it’s unfortunate but there it is. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to practice being a sexist pig. I've got work to do unless I want my crime as organised as Boris Johnson's haircut. It’s a good job that there aren’t any toxic masculine role models in the highest echelons of British politics, otherwise I’d really be in trouble.’
When asked what he’d like from Santa, Oldroyd said simply ‘A shiv.’
