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Trump thwarted in his attempt to end a ninth war


Another day and another mind bogglingly extraordinary claim as Donald Trump tells the world he was snubbed at yesterdays leaders' meeting in Switzerland.


Speaking to reporters he said, 'I travelled all the way from the US to meet this Davros guy. I wanted do a deal with him to end the longstanding war between the Dalek Empire and Earth as my ninth great success. You know, I've ended eight wars already. They said, Mister Trump. No, no. no. It can't be done. But I did it. All eight of them. TRUE.


'And you know what?  The goddamn schmuck didn't even have the nerve to show up. Wow, that Davros is a bad guy. Not a nice guy... not nice at all.'




BBC airs 'Dr Who and the Garlics' to win over French haters


'We've taken a lot of flack from the right wing press for apparently being biased towards the left,' said a spokes-Tardis for the BBC.


'So to prove how totally impartial we are, we're putting out a show which serves up some truly loathsome foreign villains for Tories and Reform voters to despise.


'It's a special edition of Dr Who in which the doctor, played by an in-form Nigel Farage, takes on a bunch of shifty, treacherous French humanoid machines called the Garlics who want to subject Britain to European rule again.


'Armed with only a sonic vodka and orange screwdriver and 200 Rothmans, Farage's Doctor Who defeats Macron, the evil Garlic leader, by boring him and everyone else to death with a series of interminable press conferences.


'We've really done the background on this,' said the BBC spokes-Jelly Baby, looking increasingly embarrassed at what he had been made to read out.


'The Farage doctor regenerated from the Enoch Powell doctor. He, in turn, regenerated from Oswald Mosley and Lord Haw Haw.


'And the Farage doctor is a Time Lord, all right, because what he really wants is to take Britain back in time to the 1930s and then lord it over everyone as prime minister.'


Image: WixAI

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