UK Government finds huge amount of coins down the back of a massive sofa

The government has discovered a record amount of currency down the back of a massive sofa kept in an underground warehouse near Downing Street.

'This is a windfall for our national balance of payments' said one minister. 'We were really beginning to worry about how to pay off our debts this year, but luckily, after a good rummage, we found loads of spare coins.'

Much of the money is in ten and fifty pence coins with a few notes. Some is stuffed in brown envelopes. There is also a collection of old buttons and a key that no one knows anything about and doesn't appear to unlock anything.

'The fluff alone could pay for the BBC well into 2023' the minister added.

No one is sure about the origins of the sofa. Some believe it was brought in by Churchill who liked to use it for sprawling on and eating cheese sandwiches. During lockdown, ministers used it for jumping up and down on while quaffing champagne and laughing at proles.

'We believe this is how some of the coins ended up there', the minister continued. 'We do have a lot of angry pensioners saying the money belongs to them but that always happens when you find some spare cash doesn't it?'

Space Room Pforphoto - Free photo on Pixabay

'Twas ever thus

'Big Dog has shit on the carpet once too often’ says Tory donor

A Big Dog kept at 10 Downing Street by Tory donors has shit on the carpet once too often said one of its owners.

Speaking from his home in Monaco, Russian billionaire Sergi Merkatz - who owns several properties across London - criticised the dog for leaving yet another putrid stench festering on the Downing Street carpet.

Mr.Merkatz said the old dog was no longer able to carry out simple commands or come to heel when ordered to by its masters and so the time had come to replace the mutt with a dog that knew how to behave.

‘We were prepared to overlook the indiscriminate humping, the daily arse licking, the constant need for attention….but not understanding basic commands is the last straw. If I throw something on the Cabinet table then I expect the dog to fetch it for me….if I tell him to roll over I expect him to do it without question.

I haven’t donated £1.2m to the Tory party just to watch this incontinent dog shitting everywhere….. they need to clean up his mess and get a dog that realises who its masters are.

It is time to have the old dog put down'.

Golden Retriever Dog Isolated - Free photo on Pixabay