Starmer denies boots are full

Despite criticism that he should stop taking bribes, Sir Keir has doubled down on his sense of entitlement, by demanding a tithe on designer socks and his pick of the fairest maidens from every village. Referred to as the Bottomless Pit, Starmer has the endless appetite of Scooby Doo, with the avarice of Scrooge McDuck. He puts the hobby into lobbying.

One donor complained: 'He believes any expenses claim is an invitation to an all you can eat buffet. I'm paying so much out in bungs, it would be cheaper just to pay a wealth tax.'

The rapacious PM, said everything he did was within the rules - the very same rules, he helped write. He insisted a bribe was not a bribe if you declared it, in the same way an affair is not an affair, if you live stream it. An aide explained: 'When he said he was hungry for change, he meant loose change.'

Image: Wix AI

Charity appeal for the disadvantaged

Please could you spare £50 to help people in Britain suffering serious disadvantage? These people are ‘unseen’ and most people are not aware of their plight. They suffer quietly, in silence, and are offered little practical help by governments, society or even by their neighbours, family and friends.

Twenty pounds could provide these people with some meaningful activity, helping them to meet like-minded folk and to bring them back into mainstream society. This would improve their mental well-being, help them to keep their embarrassing visions under control and address their feelings of powerlessness. This would help them to stop obsessing about potholes, recycling or 20mph speed limits.

Ten pounds would fund ‘distraction packs’ to keep them occupied at home, so that they don’t grind their teeth, pull their hair out, or punch walls. It’s not much to ask.

If you could find a spare five pounds, then this will pay for reading material that will help them to find alternatives to the Guardian and gain a more balanced view of the world. Or it could provide a seminar to help them to find calming activities, such as slow TV or YouTube videos of kittens.

If you only have one pound, then you should probably hang on to it.

Whatever you’ve got, it would be wonderful if you could consider donating to help those suffering in silence as Liberal Democrats.

Frank Hester donates massive scandal to Conservative Party

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