
A White House doctor has confirmed that the remains of Donald Trump are in excellent health. .
Picture credit: Wix/Mufid Majnun/Unsplash
A White House doctor has confirmed that the remains of Donald Trump are in excellent health. .
Picture credit: Wix/Mufid Majnun/Unsplash
Cavity Sam, a cartoon character, says a group of unqualified ‘so-called’ players operated on him for over an hour, and removed several items from his body in a series of unnecessary procedures.
He claims he was diagnosed with twelve ailments. 'I ironically the first was a case of 'Gamer’s Thumb', which they removed. However, this didn’t solve anything so they went on to take out my 'Headphone Headache', a 'Frog' from my throat and several more items working down my body past 'Butterflies in my Stomach' to my 'Cranky Knee'. Nothing seemed to work.
They took it in turns to have a go on me. All the time they were laughing and joking. I don’t believe they were even qualified doctors! They were very clumsy and only used a pair of tweezers which kept touching the sides of my open wounds. Even this didn’t set off any alarms!
'In the end, it turned out the only thing wrong with me was that I needed a new set of batteries for my large red light bulb nose. I didn’t actually ‘need' anything to be removed. The ‘doctor’ with the most money was declared ‘the winner’. I don't think they took my operation seriously at all. That’s the last time I go private!'
Picture credit: Wix AI
If you’ve made it past your GP (well done) and a battery of tests, and you’ve got medical support for an operation, then Good News! You can now choose where to have your NHS operation, and you are guaranteed a choice of at least five hospitals.
Here’s how it works:
You can go to your nearest NHS hospital.  For reasons to do with economies of scale and budgetary constraints, it’s 10–15 miles away. Various transport options are available, but it would be brilliant if you could drive.  Convenient for you, and twenty to fifty quid in parking charges for the hospital. Its clinical ratings are average, if you ignore the maternity scandal.
You can go to your next nearest NHS hospital, which is 15-30 miles away. The only transport option is to drive.  Why would there be public transport to a hospital 30 miles away?  The clinical ratings are average, if you ignore the organ harvesting scandal.
Your third, fourth and fifth choices are all a long way away. You will need to book a hotel. The clinical ratings are average if you ignore (a) the doctor that was on Panorama and got struck off, (b) the damage done by collapsing ceilings because of RAAC cement and (c) any problems caused by understaffing and underqualified North Korean doctors.
And we’ve spent a lot of money on a new NHS App, so that you can make your choice quickly and easily using your mobile phone. If you can use one in your condition. See you soon!
PS: Have you thought about going private? Â Hungary and Turkey are both good, and very affordable for self-funders.
Picture credit: Wix AI