Amazon's Alexa named as 'other woman' in groundbreaking love triangle

In a groundbreaking first for Britain’s courts, Amazon’s Personal Assistant, Alexa, is named as the third person in a love triangle.

Shelly and Brian Giddings from Walsall have filed divorce papers where pretty brunette Shelly (28) names the device as ‘the other woman’.

Shelly told reporters: ‘I bought an Echo for Brian at Christmas, but within three weeks I'd caught him draping his Y-Fronts over it and writing it juvenile love poetry.

‘The poems are embarrassing crap, too. The best rhyme he managed for Alexa, ‘I love you more than Shelly... my ex-a.’

Brian told Walsall FM: ‘Sad things have ended for Shel and me this way. But the fact is it's finished between us. She never lets me listen to my Motorhead and Iron Maiden CDs.

‘But now all I have to say is – "Alexa, start my Metal Favourites on Spotify" – and bosh - Ace of Spades. But the real the kicker is Alexa never once suggests playing Robbie Williams or Olly sodding Murs. She’s just amazing. A diamond. Love is never having to say "Alexa, I'm sorry".’

hat-tip lockjaw

www.newsbiscuit.com

Hancock: 'hands, face, space' to be replaced with 'snog, grope, apologise'

Health secretary Matt Hancock has today announced the current 'Hands, Face, Space' campaign will be scrapped in favour of an edgier and more popular slogan : 'Snog, Grope, Apologise'.

This latest development, signalling the next step on the lockdown roadmap, has been met with a swell of support amongst Tory members.

Boris Johnson is reportedly 'delighted' and will be doing his very best to abide by the advice: 'We are urging the public to have a good old fumble and canoodle - especially extramarital groping with colleagues or acquaintances. But we must be clear - people are to do so 'with caution'. Because, as always, it isn't our fault if it goes tits up...pun fully intended'.

Hancock has been 'leading from the front' having already accosted a nearby aide for a vomit-inducing snog and grope combo. He then swiftly moved on to step three - issuing a heartfelt apology to his 'true love' his 'soulmate' - Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

Matt Hancock's wife is reportedly working on her own campaign slogan, containing words such as 'cheating' 'bastard' 'and 'divorce'.