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In what was supposed to be a dispute over copyright, Mr. Sheeran unwittingly provoked anger in the courtroom, by inflicting his music on others. One juror was seen to be bleeding from the ears, while others began self-harming.
Eye witnesses confirmed Mr. Sheeran had gone on a spree, killing one tune after another, with the same 'bloody guitar'. Showing how he composed, jurors likened it to a serial killer reinacting his crimes, but where the screaming is off key.
Police found his 'trophy room' with the grisly remains of Grammys and a half-eaten Elton John. On summation, the Judge said: 'For crimes against music, I sentence you to be hung by the guitar string until dead.'
Readers of the Daily Express and the Daily Mail were able to recognise the picture of Danny "Fingers" O'Toole drawn by Sarah Robinson during cross-examination at the Old Bailey.
"Blimey, it's the dead spit of him," claimed Nosher Curtains of Bexley Heath.
Asked how she achieved such a fine likeness Sarah replied, "Well, I did study life drawing at the Slade. At first I thought that the sketches were meant to be unintelligble to protect the identity of those in the courtroom. But the Usher told me that was not the case. So I let my natural abilities have free rein."
Why, therefore are most sketches so bad? "Dunno, really. Maybe other artists want to get the reputation as the Francis Bacon of the court scene".
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