top of page
Search
Britain has today clarified that it is going to weaken Putin's war effort, not by restricting the provision of UK management consultancy services to Russia, but by promoting them.
'We stand by our earlier statement, that doing business with Putin's Russia is morally bankrupt,' declared a Foreign Office spokesperson, 'but financially it is quite a different story. And that's what counts, obvs. Anyway, in the case of our world-beating management, accounting and PR sectors, that's nothing new. Given that their main purpose in life is to assault their clients with a barrage of Powerpoints and spreadsheets, while simultaneously sucking out all of the cash that their business needs to run and sacking all the lowest paid staff, we feel that they can play a valuable role in our economic punishment strategy.'
'Now is their finest hour' she added, 'better even than PFI, the financial crisis or COVID procurement.'
Meanwhile, the Kremlin is rumoured to be retaliating by launching a huge export drive for its dynamic cybersecurity and data analytics offer under the slogan 'we know what you're searching for'.
Updated: Nov 26, 2021
Among all their passive incomes, second jobs and consultancy, MPs seem to have forgotten what their day job is – other than putting in expenses claims. When asked what they thought the £80,000 salary was for, most replied: ‘New ties?’.
In the Register of Members’ Financial Interests, one Minister said: ‘Yes, please, I'm interested in money – where can get some more?’. The other top three financial interests were said to be a postal address at the Cayman Islands, Nazi gold and the whereabouts Captain Flint’s treasure.
Another MP denied obtaining money under false pretences: ‘I’m paid to sit in the House of Commons, which is what I do. I sit. I stand. Sometimes I even have a little wander around’.
bottom of page