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Prince Harry has finally gone ahead and chucked out his much-revered Nazi outfit
'It didn't feel right having that thing in my wardrobe. Now and again, it would give a Nazi salute and smack Meghan right in the gob', a source close to the prince indicated that he said. 'I simply can't have that thing swinging around in my closet threatening to invade Europe.'
I tried fobbing it off to Oxfam on Windsor High Street and finally gave it away to a homeless man called Ron who lives behind the shoes and elastic bands recycling bin outside the Tesco's local.'
Royal correspondent and thirty-ninth in line to the throne, Czar Nicholas Witchell, has announced that the royal consent has been given for a replacement uniform. This will be an authentic KGB interrogation officer's outfit purchased directly from the Russian Embassy by the Duchy of Cornwall.'
Updated: Dec 13, 2021
As winter approaches, fashion guidance suggests that a baggy jumper is the best way to appear thin. Under the pretext of staying warm, we can maintain the illusion of a gym body – beneath a big ball of wool.
Said one person: ‘Wearing a garish bobble hat, one size too big for my head, completely drew focus from the fact my arse was three sizes too big for my body’. Another remarked: ‘Everyone says I’ve layered-up, they just don’t realise most of those layers are made of lard’.
Summer will present I dilemma, as no one wears mittens in June, but the suggestion is we paint ourselves red and pretend to be a beach ball.
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