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Health Secretary Steven Barclay has warned NHS workers they risk losing any future accolades and hand-claps of appreciation unless they end their pay dispute and get back to work immediately.


NHS staff should concentrate on saving people's lives and not waste their time standing on picket lines in the hope that government ministers might be listening to their unfair demands.


Barclay also warned front line staff that the Government was considering taking back all the hand-claps and saucepan bangs they received during lockdown.


‘Tens of thousands of ambulance workers, call handlers, paramedics, nurses and doctors could all be stripped of those hard won hand-claps,’ sneered a Department of Health spokes-Scrooge. ‘All that banging on saucepans, Boris standing on the doorstep of Number 10 beating his wok, showering workers with thanks for saving the nation …it will all have been for nothing. And what do they hope to gain from strike action? A few extra pounds in their pay-packets? Shorter working hours? Investment in the NHS? Reduced waiting times at A&E? Are they really prepared to lose all those wonderful hand-claps just for that? Christmas might well be the time for giving, but nurses will get nothing from us'.



Neighbours of NHS worker, Colin Wheatley, are furious that their "local hero" is a total dick.


Colin, 37, of Moseley, an NHS nurse with 12 years experience has really disappointed local residents with his grumpy disposition and ignorant manners.


"I can't believe it" Brian Wells told our reporter. "He moved in just as lockdown started and we were all really proud to have a proper, real NHS nurse living on our street. We were out there every Thursday, banging our pots and pans and clapping like there's no tomorrow, just for him."


"We were so excited and proud. We were scared to leave the house and there he was, every day, bravely going off to save lives. A true hero. Then it all went wrong. My kids kicked their ball over his fence a few times and he asked them to stop doing it. They're just kids. Grumpy bugger!"


Ivy Reynolds told us, "I would wave my rainbow flag at him as he passed my house and I even baked a pie for him. My grandchildren even chalked "NHS Hero" on the pavement outside his house. But then everything changed. One day he knocked over my bin with his car and another time, last summer. he was playing really loud music in his garden. This was only a week after he complained about my grandkids making too much noise in the garden because he was on nights."


""I bloody clapped for you!" I told him but he wasn't even listening. He's become a real nightmare."


Mr Wheatley was unavailable for comment.


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