Nigel Farage accused of threatening to make election almost interesting

Good old Nigel Farage, who hopes to become MP for Claptrap on Sea, has promised to reform Reform after staging a one-man coup and becoming its Supreme Leader. 

Voters in the constituency of Claptrap are grateful that they will now have an alternative to Count Binface as a candidate to vote for if they wish to wave two fingers at the tedious leaders of all of the serious but boring 'real' political parties.

Farage has certainly been popular, drawing crowds and receiving well-meaning, but poorly-aimed, dairy-based beverages.

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"Election debate brought me perfect enlightenment" says viewer from Clacton

"I can die happy now," said ITV viewer Gemma from Clacton, "because last night's election debate prised the scales from my eyes and made me appreciate the pure beauty of political thought.

"After seventy minutes of divinely-worded debate between those two great gurus of our age, Sri Sunak and Sri Starmer, I now know that Labour will hike my taxes but that the Tories have an economic plan, and also that the Tories had 14 years to get things right but now it's all far too late.

"I never knew that listening to a chain of nervously gabbled 45-second answers could reveal to me so much of the wonderful realm of political philosophy. I am now in a state of nirvana where I know - I just know - that all of Britain's problems can be solved over the next five years through the power of ideas alone.

"Who will I be voting for? Farage. No doubt about it. What's the use of all this poncey political philosophy when what we really need to do is to kick out the filthy, rotten foreigners?" 

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