Vape company mascot “Mr Cuddles” denies claims of targeting children

With flavours like bubblegum, candyfloss and Baby Formula, the vape industry is being accused of aiming its products at impressionable underage adults. The bright blue furry spokesperson said, between panicked, clouded inhalations, that it was just a witch hunt, funded by the Big Ashtray Lobby.

They waved away the new promotional targeted advertisements with subjects such as “What is Barbies favourite vape flavour” and “Why Batman prefers the mysterious vapour cloud of a Vape Pen to Nicorette patches.”

Leaked documents from another leading vape producer have provided damning evidence such as:

• A proposal to MacDonalds for McNugget flavoured vapes available in Happy Meals

• Schematic drawings of an oversized vape pen PEZ dispenser

• An e-mail to Duplo about producing a “My First Vape” set

The government Health Minister said that children must not be subject to the peer pressure of trying vapes and if they want to look cool, nothing beats the smooth draw of a Marlboro Red.

Photo by Nery Zarate on Unsplash

Jeremy Hunt to make smoking compulsory

The Chancellor of the Exchequer and newsreaders' nightmare, Jeremy Hunt, has announced that the government is to make smoking compulsory to everyone over 17 with 16 and 15 year olds to be phased in by 2027.

Mr Hunt explained, "I've examined the reasoning behind New Zealand cancelling the ban on smoking and the raising of taxes by cigarette sales obviously outweighs any minor health benefits of not dying."

image from pixabay

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