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The East Walthamstow mixed primary and junior C of E school has had its Christmas nativity play rejected by every West End theatre, a report in Variety states, Despite rave reviews on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday (Tuesday's reviews were mixed when Joseph threw up on stage and Mary got a right strop on) no West End theatre is prepared to bump their current productions off and host the production written by Carl and Lindsey Edwards, both early years teachers, and Sophie Jones, dinner lady, second grade.
'The cast have shunned their coursework and rehearsed relentlessly since the end of the last half term,' pointed out Carl, 'and when they weren't rehearsing they were designing posters for the production. We've run through a year's worth of crayons on the assumption that cost saving would be attractive to a West End theatre, but no, they just aren't interested,' he continued.
Sally Evans, 7, understudy for the role of Mary isn't concerned. 'Rhyl Theatre has made a provisional booking,' she said, eating spare bogies off her frock, 'and once we've toured the north of England too the West End won't be able to resist booking us. You watch, our nativity will be the highest grossing Christmas play next August,' she predicted.
Prince Andrew has announced that he will be spending Christmas at his beloved bedsit "Andringham" in Peckham.
"I asked if the the King and his wider family would care to join me for a Christmas Day fry-up at Johnnie's Cafe on Peckham High Street. Although unable to attend, his majesty did express regret and included the term "king" many times in his response."
Royal correspondents have been given access to the exclusive range of vapes, fake tattoos, power pre-payment cards and ethanol-based cocktails that will be available to attendees, and Ghislaine Maxwell is expected to join for a short Zoom call from her straitjacket in the US.
The Prince's representative confirmed that he is expected to celebrate the new year at his other regal residence, Immoral, in Scotland, and us looking-forward to engaging in his favourite pastime, Trainspotting.
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