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Unbeknownst to most children, private landlords have acquired all Xmas property, designating the stable in Nazareth as a luxury family size apartment, with parking for one donkey. Spiralling energy costs have been passed directly to renters, meaning the average monthly advent calendar costs £2754.
Said one dispirited child: 'Behind one door was a leaking boiler, that the landlord refused to repair. Another had black mould. Whereas three doors were already occupied, before I even knew they had gone on the market.'
The final advent door has a spurious invoice for damage done to the other doors, meaning not only is there no Santa but you also lose your deposit.
Image: blende12 | Pixabay
Christmas trees in the theme of the 1988 classic Noel film Die Hard are proving so popular that they have almost sold out. The tree comes complete with spectacular decorations like tinsel made from tiny shards of broken glass, which twinkle as they spiral down, just like after every explosion at Nakatomi Plaza.
Exquisite Christmas lights cycle through sequences of flashes in quick little bursts, precisely like the automatic weapons fire Sergeant Al Powell observes from afar. Late on Christmas Eve, the lights go out completely, representing the miracle of the F...B...I... shutting down the power.
A lovely hanging trinket in the shape of a Christmas jumper sports the words "Ho - Ho - Ho - now I have a machine gun". And to drape as you desire is a fire hose complete with detached red reel.
Atop the tree is a delightful ornament depicting the spiritual armed-angel John McClane in a dirty white vest. When activated by a remote-control detonator, the angel illuminates and McClane utters the immortal words, 'Welcome to the party, pal.'
Hand crafted baubles in the shape of exploding helicopters are accompanied by a glistening golden banner featuring the heartening festive line, 'We're gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.' Lametta - shiny dangling strips - portray Hans Gruber plummeting down the tree to his rest, just as he does from the Nakatomi Tower.
And to place under the tree are six hundred and forty million dollars in negotiable bearer bonds.
Yippee-ki-yay, motherf@ckers.
Image: darkosky | Pixabay
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