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At midnight on December 1st, the true dawn of the Christmas season, Janice Langley, 56, of Nottingham felt an unusual yet familiar urge. That urge was to mull.
She told us that she was in her kitchen, enjoying a hot cocoa with her husband, Ken, before retiring to bed. All of a sudden, the cocoa seemed dull and uninteresting and offensively unfestive. She immediate dashed to her cupboards and rifled through them with such alarming urgency, it caused her startled husband to cry out.
"What's happening, Love, what are you looking for", said a clearly unsettled Ken, "everything's falling on the floor".
He was right, the floor now sported Smores kits, hot chocolate envelopes, 3 mint tea bags and numerous assorted bean cans.
"I MUST MULL, " whispered Janice, "I MUST MULL!"
Finally, she seemed triumphant and emerged from a below surface cupboard with a small bottle of mulling syrup, bought last year but never opened. She unscrewed the bottle top and poured a good glug of the syrup into her Cocoa. She inhaled deeply and drank heartily.
"Yes. YES!" she shouted before pouring some syrup into Ken's glass of bitter, the cats milk and the budgies water dish. Ken had to stop her running outside after she had spied an unmulled bird bath in the garden.
"It was like she was possessed", said a breathless Ken, "every year it happens and every year I forget. I mean we all love Christmas but she mulled the communion wine and the holy water last year on Christmas Day. We've not been asked back to St Cuthbert's since".
image from pixabay
The battle for this years’ Christmas number 1 looks set to be between Anglo-Irish folk-punk band The Pogues and German-born former geopolitical consultant Henry Kissinger.
Following the death of Pogues frontman Shane McGowan bookmakers have tipped their classic Christmas hit ‘Fairytale of New York’ to take the coveted top spot. However, following Kissinger’s death earlier this week some experts believe the controversial former US diplomat could top the charts with the re-release of his 1971 novelty hit ‘I’m Carpet-Bombing Cambodia For Christmas’.
‘Its too close to call’ says industry expert Fenton Barnes.
‘Most bookmakers have The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl as favourites but Kissinger seems to be gaining ground, particularly as ‘I’m Carpet-Bombing Cambodia For Christmas’ is getting so much airtime on Radio 2’.
‘‘Fairytale’’ is a stone cold classic, no-one’s disputing that - but many people are looking for something a bit different this year and ‘Carpet-Bombing’ is a bit of a forgotten classic’.
‘It’s so catchy that when you hear Kissinger singing in that Germanic brogue of his ‘This year’s list is a different version, I’m asking Santa for a ground incursion’ you just can’t help but sing along’.
‘I don’t suppose it will do much business in Indochina but you can’t please everyone’.
image from pixabay
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