The cake shop

Warning Children may lose millions of mince pies and carrots over Xmas in scams

The government has issued a warning that children need to be on their guard over the festive period, as scams aimed at gaining mince pies and carrots are launched by parents across the country. This is according to the intelligence agency GCHQ. It says 3 to 12-year-olds are most likely to fall victim.

The National Cyber Security Centre is warning that increasingly sophisticated methods are being used to produce more convincing sooty footprints on old sheets, fake notes from Santa and sleigh bell noises.

Two children who can’t be named for legal reasons, Simon and Samantha Giles of 23, Gloucester Road, Kingston-upon Thames, lost mince pies and carrots after leaving them out last year, believing them to be for Santa and Rudolf. It has now become apparent that the presents they received in return may not have come from the genuine Father Christmas but instead were supplied by Amazon, according their mother’s browsing history. This raises all sorts of questions about just who took a bites out of the carrot and pie, and who drank the two glasses of whiskey left by the fireplace.

The children believe they were tricked into leaving out the items on Christmas Eve, and that their parents may have used "reverse psychology" on them just to get extra pies, carrots and whiskey over the festive period.

"They made us feel guilty for not leaving stuff out... that's what made us feel like we could believe them, because we didn’t want to let Santa and Rudolf down. And what about all the other reindeer? No wonder they wouldn't let Rudolf join in with all their reindeer games if he scoffed all the carrots! Now we think about it, Santa and Rudolf would not have time to stop and eat all the food and drinks left for them in every house, and still deliver presents. What’s more they would both be morbidly obese, and pissed as farts.

'If parents really believe this tosh to be true, no wonder they voted for Brexit, and abided by Covid restrictions.'

Photo by Srikanta H. U on Unsplash

Tarot cards recalled as vague prediction sort of doesn't happen

Packs of tarot cards are being recalled after it was discovered that the vague, general predictions they generated only sort of happened. 

We first heard reports that people were being told that they have a "great desire to be liked" when they actually only had a "bit of a desire" to be liked.

Ron Jenkins of Clacton is one affected customer; 'I bought this pack as a Christmas present, it's going to be very inconvenient to return these and find an alternative. If only there was some way to have seen this coming.'

Muriel Jones of Harrogate was also a customer; 'I'd just done a reading which told me that I'm a gullible idiot who'll waste my money on buying some crap. Once I read that I knew there was something wrong with them.'

Photo by Viva Luna Studios on Unsplash