Remember it's the postman's Chrismas as well

Yoiks tally-ho! Now we've nowhere to go

As Boxing Day draws ever closer, Oliver and Hattie Mackintosh-Penrose prepare to face yet another one full of sad memories.

Oliver explains: 'Used to be the best day of the year. We'd get dressed up and then it was out to the yard where the horses had been immaculately groomed by the stable plebs.'

'A quick snifter or two outside The Bell and Dragon,' adds Hattie with tears in her eyes, 'then The Master would sound the bugle and we'd be off, galloping over fields and meadows with expectation of bloody carnage in our hearts and hounds yelping with the chase well and truly on.'

'The fun would really start if we encountered saboteurs,' Oliver smiles, 'a few good blows with our riding crops and that soon sent them back to their squats, bowls of muesli and nut cutlets.

'Then the best bit, cornering the fox with the dogs going crazy as the little fellow got ripped to shreds followed by another massive horn... if you follow what I'm saying. What? Whoops. I say, Hat. old girl. Pass me a tissue, will you? I appear to have had a little accident.'

Photo by Jason Wolf on Unsplash

Elf and safety is ho-ho-hopeless as Rudolph makes workplace bullying claim

At a press conference, a lawyer for Rudolph, aka The Red Nosed Reindeer said 'My client has such a shiny nose, you might even say it glows, so he's waived his right to anonymity. Rudolph has suffered from textbook bullying. All of the other reindeer - the Lapland 8 - made fun of him and called him names. They also excluded my client from reindeer games.'  

'Santa did give Rudolph a promotion to "Sleigh Team Leader", but this seems like an attempt to buy my client's silence... although in fairness, it was one foggy Christmas night.'

'In terms of compensation, we think Santa's Coca-Cola money should keep Rudolph in carrots. He should never have to guide a sleigh around the world at unsafe speeds in the icy depths of December, ever again.' 

Photo by Osman Rana on Unsplash