A pack of four hot cross buns on a supermarket shelf were surprised to find themselves being cheese and onion flavour this week. They made this discovery when a shopper picked them up and read out their description to her companion then made a face of mild disgust and put them straight back. The companion shook his head and said ‘What will they think of next? It’s a gimmick aimed at people with no proper respect for the great bun traditions of their youth.’
One of the four buns said they thought they’d smelt something oniony within their cellophane home but decided they must have mis-smelt. Another of the buns said disgust is one of the seven basic emotions visible on a human’s face and all buns leave the oven hoping to cause a face of enjoyment. The third bun to speak said you can’t trust humans because they call an onion which is clearly purple a red onion. The final bun to express an opinion was more optimistic and reminded fellow buns that cheese and Christmas cake pair well together so maybe they would catch on. The buns then watched as their bakery mates the extra fruity buns and the apple and cinnamon buns were chosen while they remained firmly shelf-bound. They had a brief cheerful moment when one of them remembered the Vic Reeves joke about onions.
First published 11 April 2022
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