Liberal US celebs compete to be most upset at Trump victory

A number of liberal celebrities from both coasts of the US have taken to social media to outdo each other in how upset they are about Trump’s victory in the presidential election.

'I spent this morning holding Frasquita, my Latinx maid from Puerto Mexico, and reassuring her she’s gonna get through this,' said one well known teen pop star. 'Though only from behind, so she could carry on cleaning the bathtub.'

'I just don’t understand it,' said a famous actor. 'How many times have I posted on social media that people who vote for Trump are just, like, total douchebags? And it still didn’t win them over.'

Another celeb, who is presumably an influencer since she doesn’t seem to do anything else, said that until she watched the election night coverage, she hadn’t even realised how many other states there are between LA and New York.

'Though I guess it does explain why it takes so long to fly over them.'

All the celebs then issued routine threats to leave the country they 'no longer recognise at the America we love'. A well known bookmaker quoted the odds of them actually doing this as slightly longer than the presidents’ faces on Mount Rushmore being transformed by wind erosion into the four main characters from Gossip Girl.

Image credit: "Slave Leia Photoshoot at Celebrations" by Digital_Rampage is licensed under CC BY 2.0. (cropped)

Shock as sitcom star announces intention to star in a sitcom

In a surprise move one high profile sitcom star is set to break ranks with their contemporaries by actually starring in a new sitcom.

The move has taken media by surprise, as in recent years successful sitcom performers have only been making travelogues. Quite often with a parent in tow, where they schlep around the countryside, or indeed in some cases the world, voicing over sumptuous shots of stunning scenery, sampling exotic culture and food and simply having one massive freebie they are then able to pass off as a TV show.

One such star who wished to remain anonymous commenting on the news said, 'I suppose I understand what's happening. It's their conscience. Guilt at betraying their artistic integrity and all that highfalutin cobblers. But, look. I had the pressure of writing my show, learning lines and then the sheer hard graft of getting it in the can. Out on shoots at all hours in the bloody freezing cold weather.

'Well now that I've made a name for myself my fans can sod that for a game of soldiers. I'm off to Australia with my Mum and an ITV cameraman next month for what's essentially a six-week all-expenses-paid 5-star holiday. And I'll probably win a BAFTA for my trouble. A fat lot more than I ever got for making people laugh.'

image from pixabay

Crazy big thing called love