New CBeebies Show: Meet COP The Talking Shop

The BBC are introducing pre-school children to climate change issues via a new series featuring a talking shop. Meet COP The Talking Shop will air next week and will feature the cute climate aware character COP, who loves to talk about rising temperatures, stormy weather and saving the planet.

Nobody actually buys anything that they’re selling, so they have plenty of time for a natter. There’s also plenty of comedy to keep the toddlers amused including lots of references to wind, and numerous songs for the children to join in with, such as ‘Rain, rain go away!’, ‘Row, row, row your boat gently up the street’, and ‘Oh where, oh where has my polar bear gone?’

A CBeebies producer told us, “Pre-school is an important time to start climate change education, and the first thing they need to learn is how to talk about it, because at the end of the day, and probably the World, that’s all anybody ever does.'

Photo by stockcake: children-watching-television_1309980_340087

Woke cancel culture means "Dying god coming into Human flesh" missed from CBeebies singalong

Celtic Frost's classic Dying god coming into Human flesh has been missed off the CBeebies Song Time album because of woke cancel culture warriors at the BBC.

Celtic Frost fans, known affectionally as "Frosties", have been tearfully contacting woke HQ known as the BBC to protest the omission from the popular extreme metal band.

"CF gets a depressingly low presence on Radio 2", explained Headbanger Death Blood from the Celtic Frost fan club, "Friday Night is Music Night has ignored them completely, even Sing Something Simple turned them down. When the Cbeebies album was announced it would have been a golden opportunity to introduce younger people to the gentle pleasure of extreme metal."

image from pixabay

Wordle to replace CBeebies, CBBC

Secretary of State for Eating Ostrich Anus, Nadine Dorries, is fully defunding the pinko, commie, Britain-hating BBC, to ingratiate herself with the Daily Mail and Rupert Murdoch. Co-conspirator in hate Julia Hartley-Brewer added the BBC shouldn't produce content that she herself doesn’t directly consume – she finds CBeebies too advanced. Dorries is therefore replacing all CBeebies and CBBC programmes with Wordle, the free, once-a-day, 5-letter game. Once the game is completed the channels will play the national anthem on a loop. In solidarity, Dorries’ next novel will contain no words longer than 5 letters.

Parent Karolina Krychowiak noted ‘If you come for CBeebies, we will kill you and make it look like an accident. Mr Tumble is always watching. Words that describe the Tories mostly have 4 letters, but I suppose the plurals have 5.’