Springfield - Santa's Little Helper still hiding from hungry immigrants

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Smart motorways to be ‘enhanced’ with grand pianos suspended over the fast lane

The Government’s Head of Motorway Safety, Wile E. Coyote, has announced further safety measures for smart motorways.

‘Removing the hard shoulder has been helpful but some are still getting through,’ he told journalists. ‘So the next step will be a series of grand pianos suspended precariously over the fast lane. We have done extensive testing – mostly in canyons in Arizona – and grand pianos are almost ideal for the job’.

Other planned safety features have been tested but found to be inappropriate for the British climate. ‘In the Sonoran desert you can use quite a long fuse on a stick of dynamite but British rain means you would need a dangerously short fuse, so we rejected that,’ said Mr Coyote.

‘Trompe L’oeil paintings to conceal cliff edges work well in Arizona but Britain lacks the necessary topography. Still, removing the hard shoulder has proved to be fairly f*cking lethal – sorry, I meant safety-enhancing – so we’re making good progress.’

Photo by Chris Bair on Unsplash

M-G-M failed to act over historic claims of Tom the Cat's 'Mouse Jiggling'

Informal concerns raised about Tom the Cat's actions while he starred in Hanna-Barbera features were 'not properly escalated or adequately addressed', according to the findings of an investigation.

The cartoon feline fronted films including The Cat Concerto, Heavenly Puss and Solid Serenade in the 1940's and 50's.

An investigation by the production company has said managers were alerted to allegations that he dangled mice by their tails, hit puppies with base ball bats, and on one occasion gave a you kangaroo a lit stick of dynamite to hold. His behaviour made female housekeepers feel uncomfortable, and intimidated.

However, no formal complaints were made and the concerns were not escalated.

M-G-M said: 'We are extremely sorry to anyone who was impacted by this behaviour and felt unable to speak up or that their voice was not properly heard, partly because it was provided by Mel Blanc.'

Tom strongly denied the allegations, saying his relationships have 'always' been consensual, reciprocal and , 'just a bit of bantz'.

A report quoted a former film maker as saying the cat's pursuit of other characters for violence was reported to production managers, but their concerns were dismissed.

The researcher said, 'They get away with it little by little, and then a little bit more. It's time these animators learned where to draw the line' Jerry is yet to comment, but Tom claims he is a victim of Mee-ow Too'.

Image: Mohamed_hassan - Pixabay