China to float giant spy-cake over US

Having used balloons to infiltrate US air space, China have threatened to employ further party paraphernalia, which includes firing spy drones out a gender reveal cannon. Beijing confirmed: 'We've trained hundreds of clowns to infiltrate the White House. They should blend in perfectly with the usual collection of clowns that work there.

‘Americans rarely question the providence of a spy cameras, provided they have frosting and sprinkles on them. We’re working on audio bugs shaped like mini-pizzas and spy-pens concealed in hot dogs. All of our surveillance equipment will be covered in glitter and any future spy balloons will be shaped like animals.’

One startled American said: 'I was a bit surprised to see a Chinese spy plane flying overhead, but I felt so relieved when I saw it trailing a banner saying ‘Happy 50th, Suzy’.’

www.newsbiscuit.com

image from pixabay

Lewisham man beats record for words to describe 'speechless'

A Lewisham man surprised by work colleagues with a birthday card and cake has broken the world record for people describing that they are speechless.

'I'm literally speechless, there are no words to describe the emotions running through me, I don't have the words to explain how I feel at this gesture, words, frankly, fail me, I just don't know what to say,' he is understood to have said.

Unfortunately, all of his co-workers drifted off back to their desks and assumed the end of the sentence. Consequently his record will not be recorded by Guinness as a World Record, nor will he enjoy his cake as everyone took a slice while he was waffling on, leaving just an empty plate, an action that, literally, left him speechless.

Mischief in the Louvre