Russia sanctions to include the silent treatment and fat shaming

In the weepy small hours of the weekend, the peoples of the Russian Federation jammed bullying help lines with complaints of harassment by members of NATO. Moscow officials claimed that other nations had blanked them in class. blocked them on Facebook and called them spotty.

The Kremlin complained: ‘Someone had written on our pencil case that Putin smelt of BO and had not started his period yet. We’ve been accused of war crimes, but realty hurts, is being called a dork’. A spokesman for the National Bullying Helpline replied: ‘Yeah, but you were asking for it'.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/vladvictoria-9785604/

Dude, don't have a Bercow

Scene: an exclusive gentleman's club. Two dapper chaps are sharing a bottle of fine whiskey.

A: You've been looking into the allegations for some time, I take it?

B: Indeed. Shocking business. But it is no more than one would a expect from such a person.

A: It will end in disgrace, no doubt?

B: Indeed. But I fear it will be like water off a duck's back for him.

A: Yes. However, I have a little ruse that may have an impact.

B: Do tell.

A: Well. You know he has always hankered after a peerage?

B: Unlikely now, one would have thought.

A: Yes, but certain people would like to emphasise by giving a knighthood to a total loser.

B: You don't mean ...

A: Yes, yes. Gavin Williamson!!

B: Brilliant.

Image: Pixabay/andyreedobe