New restrictions on bullies outdoors comes into force

Elf and safety is ho-ho-hopeless as Rudolph makes workplace bullying claim

At a press conference, a lawyer for Rudolph, aka The Red Nosed Reindeer said 'My client has such a shiny nose, you might even say it glows, so he's waived his right to anonymity. Rudolph has suffered from textbook bullying. All of the other reindeer - the Lapland 8 - made fun of him and called him names. They also excluded my client from reindeer games.'  

'Santa did give Rudolph a promotion to "Sleigh Team Leader", but this seems like an attempt to buy my client's silence... although in fairness, it was one foggy Christmas night.'

'In terms of compensation, we think Santa's Coca-Cola money should keep Rudolph in carrots. He should never have to guide a sleigh around the world at unsafe speeds in the icy depths of December, ever again.' 

Photo by Osman Rana on Unsplash

Bully XLs currently in the UK to be confiscated

Prime Minster Rishit Sunak has announced he will take inaction on Bully XL dogs, but their owners need not fear their darling cutiepies will be destroyed. The government merely intends to confiscate them, but will treat them well, feed them on a diet of raw meat and provide regular exercise for them in the forecourts of polling stations on election days.

A spokes-vicious dog handler took a break from walking Cruella Braverman on a leash around the Palace of Westminster to tell us we only need to look at the frequency that by-elections have taken place since the 2019 election to be assured these dogs won’t get overweight through lack of exercise.