‘Bombing schools and shooting children is smart’ claims Trump

Sources close to former US President Donald Trump have said he has described the bombing of schools and shooting of children as ‘smart’ and says US politicians could learn a lesson or two from the Russian strong man ensconced in the Kremlin who gave the green light for butchering women and children in Ukraine.

Mr.Trump is thought to have said Mr. Putin would never allow an election to be rigged or stolen in his country and would have locked up anybody who threatened to stop him from holding free and fair elections.

The former US President is said to have said that is how American elections should be run in the future, once Republicans were back in power.

According to one source, Trump said that ‘Putin is savvy….he has gone into Ukraine to save the Ukrainian people from having a democratically elected government forced upon them. He is there to liberate them. This s why he is bombing apartment blocks and schools, cutting down women and children in the street and destroying cities.

'It is text book tactics and will soon win the hearts and minds of the Ukrainian people.....at least what is left of them. In fact, he would not actually allow an election to be held in the first place which would absolutely guarantee it could not be stolen.

'He’s a smart guy’.

Image: Pixabay/ralfskysegal

Prince Harry denazifies his wardrobe

Prince Harry has finally gone ahead and chucked out his much-revered Nazi outfit

'It didn't feel right having that thing in my wardrobe. Now and again, it would give a Nazi salute and smack Meghan right in the gob', a source close to the prince indicated that he said. 'I simply can't have that thing swinging around in my closet threatening to invade Europe.'

I tried fobbing it off to Oxfam on Windsor High Street and finally gave it away to a homeless man called Ron who lives behind the shoes and elastic bands recycling bin outside the Tesco's local.'

Royal correspondent and thirty-ninth in line to the throne, Czar Nicholas Witchell, has announced that the royal consent has been given for a replacement uniform. This will be an authentic KGB interrogation officer's outfit purchased directly from the Russian Embassy by the Duchy of Cornwall.'

Image: Pixabay/stevepb

WW3 is a small price to pay to escape Brexit

An advocate for a second referendum explained: 'I hear a lot of negativity about Nuclear winters, but who doesn't like to snuggle up, with a nice matching sweater from John Lewis? This is an opportunity to reject Brexit - after all, you can't leave Europe if there is no Europe to leave.

'We need to support the Ukraine and their affordable au pairs. Nuclear holocaust is backed by 48% of the public, which from my perspective, is a stonking majority'.

Image: Pixabay/8385