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The sacking of over 800 workers by P&O shows that Brexit is now working for UK employees said a government spokesman .


He told reporters: 'If we had still been part of the EU the Dubai owners would not have been able to lay off hundreds of UK workers overnight and replace them with cheap agency staff from overseas.


He went on to add: 'Being free to sack UK workers at a moments notice should be seen as a Brexit dividend by P&O employees who now find themselves able to explore alternative avenues of employment that they not otherwise have considered…..or thrown on the scrap heap as some people might see it.'


Sources close to the Minister have criticised distraught P&O crew members as being doom-merchants and opportunity deniers.


Tory ministers have criticised Unions for getting involved in the dispute saying it was a return to the 1970’s when all union officials ever did was stick up for the rights and welfare of UK workers.


‘We do not want a return to those dark days when union members immediately turned to their Unions for help and protection from employers. Brexit has freed us from harmful things like employees rights, health and safety regulations and the right to protest.'


When asked what happened to the millions of pounds of British taxpayers money received by the Dubai based company during lockdown does not help the situation the spokesman commented.


'After all the necessary checks and balances it was clear to everybody that P&O was not a viable company…. which is why we gave it £150m to help them with the sacking of the crew. But without Brexit that sort of thing would not have been allowed to happen. It’s ‘taking back control’….aftervall, it’s what UK workers voted for.



First published 19 Mar 2022



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A government plan to trick the nation into believing it has cut the price of wine by requiring wine floggers to sell it by the pint (568ml) instead of 750ml bottles means that providing supermarkets can find the million workers it will take to rebottle the acres of warehouse space used for a single day’s UK wine consumption, shopping bills could reduce by 2.5%.


Reaction to the plan has been mixed, as supermarkets say it will be difficult to find enough workers to do the rebottling unless they offer higher pay than teachers and nurses get, to encourage them to change jobs, but that will mean they would need to charge more for wine.


Alcoholics Anonymous have praised the plan, saying that smaller bottles of wine will reduce consumption, but doctors think their patients will merely buy two pints of wine to make up for the shortfall and end up drinking more. “In any case”, one doctor said, “consumption, or tuberculosis as we call it now, has already been greatly reduced thanks to antibiotics.”


A pensioner who was around before Britain changed to metric measurements told Newsbiscuit “It’s all bollocks, because hardly anyone drank wine before we joined the EU and the few that did brought it back from France on those cheap day trips we used to have, so it only ever came in 750ml bottles”.







Boris Johnson has lurched into sight again by announcing he will be joining the GB News lineup. What is more interesting is the show he will be fronting: The Brexit Lullaby Hour.


The show has been described as “A warm bath of reassurance and mutual Brexit appreciation”. Shouting the show, Mr Johnson will go through the “many” Brexit advantages we have gained since leaving the European Union. He will also have an ASMR section where he will whisper, in his unique pound shop Churchill tones, various platitudes such as “soon we will be at the sunlit uplands”, “blue passports” and “up yours Delors”.


Guests will include Nigel Farage, where it is rumoured he will duet with the song “islands in the stream” Richard Tice for a wrestling match and Nadine Dorries for a weekly fantasy book club feature.

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