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Inspired by the pointless money-grabbing exercise that was the fight between Jake Paul and Mike Tyson, we have been told Coleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy have decided to stage their own boxing match.
In a move that's possibly less violent than their infamous Wagatha Christie court case, the two footballers’ wives will go toe to toe live on TV.
The TV rights to the fight – due to take place at 3am in a locked-in pub in Wigan - have been bought by Sky Sports for £1.50.
“We’re both up for it,” said an excited Rooney, who is married to one of the worst football managers in Plymouth. “And there’s no chance of either of us getting a split lip because there’s too much collagen in there.”
“She’s dead,” added Vardy. “And I’ve asked my agent to drop my phone into the sea so my training doesn’t distracted.”
Bookmakers have Vardy as the 5-1 favourite compared with 16-2 for her rival.
“To be honest, they both look so similar we could probably get away with claiming the loser had won,” said a spokesman for Padded Power.
image from pixabay
In an attempt to legitimise his step into professional boxing, YouTube star Jake Paul has revealed his next fight shall be against the man widely revered as the greatest boxer of all time; former world champion, the late Joe Louis.
Speaking after his points win over the 58-year-old Mike Tyson, the 27-year-old said he now looked to cement his legacy through fights with all the heavyweight greats, telling us, 'My management team have got a plan: Louis, Marciano, then Ali, all through a mixture of AI and representation via seance. I'm going to take all of them in my stride. My career should have been ended by me appearing with dead people back in 2018 during that visit to Japan, so, like the Ghostbusters used to say, I ain't afraid of no ghost!"
Like his last fight, Texas has already sanctioned the matchup, despite The Brown Bomber being 111-years-old; and dead for the last 43. Colonel Stacey Haymaker, head of State's Boxing Council, gave an explanation at the post-Tyson fight Press Conference, telling everyone, "Jake will be fighting a Holographic depiction controlled by a top psychic channelling the former Heavyweight Champion. Yes, we know there's room for accusations of fight fixing, and this risks throwing an even darker shadow over professional boxing, but the match already carries more credit than fights promoted by Don King."
The match is scheduled for April 2025, once a medium can persuade Louis to leave heaven's golf courses and start training.
image from pixabay
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