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Full list of sensitively edited books by Roald Legume-Stew



To avoid giving offence, Roald Legume-Stew’s books have been sensitively edited for modern times. Here is a complete list of those cleansed thus far:


James and the Large Botanical Product That Self Identifies as a Peach

Charlie and the Nutritional Ingredient Manufacturing Facility

Fairly Typical Mr/Mrs/Ms/Mx Fox

The EGEP (enormous genial enormous person)

George’s Marvellous Untested Nutritional Supplement

Danny The Citizen of The World

The Wonderful Story of Henry Nutritional Supplement



First published 21 Feb 2023


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Mahmood deports Paddington



The Home Secretary made it clear she had zero tolerance for illegal immigrants- particularly the furry variety that $hit in woods. In a TV outburt Shabana Mahmood, accused Paddington of being a bear of military age, determined to come over here and rape our marmalade.


Her aide said. 'I don't care how he got here, small boat or the pen of Michael Bond - that little work-shy Peruvian ba$tard is getting the boot.' This follows the UK adopting Denmark's strident anti-immigration laws, which saw the Little Mermaid pickled and sold as a rollmop.


Initially housed with the Brown family, until Tommy Robinson fired bombed their house, Paddington has been living rough. Mahmood said Paddington's suitcase and hat would be confiscated to cover the cost of his deportation. 'Someone had put a note on him saying 'Please look after this bear' - well f%ck you, Aunt Lucy, you trafficking scum.'


Photo by Alex Stone on Unsplash

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