Row as Gove's lift doors aren't welded shut

An enquiry has been launched at Broadcasting House following delays yesterday in a welding team to arrive to weld shut lift doors containing Michael Gove.

A spokesman explained the chain of events; "At around 8am, Mr Gove entered, what I now understand, was a specially prepared lift. Unfortunately, notification of this wasn't passed onto the UK Risk Containment Board and the welding team wasn't scrambled until it was too late and Mr Gove had escaped, er, left the lift."

It's understood that the lift containing Mr Gove was planned to be sold to a group of somewhat irate fishermen.

Image: Pixabay/coombesy

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BBC opens School of Client Journalism

The Director General said: 'Some say this is a new low in reporting but I say its a new high in lobbying. As I proudly open the McDonalds/Pfizer/MarlboroughLights School of Independent Journalism'.

Sadly, with the loss of Laura Kuenssberg, the BBC are now short one glorified stenographer.They will now need to find a new political editor who has Dominic Cummings on speed dial and knows the emoji for socialists roasting in hell.

Explained the Head of News: 'We'll be sticking to the BBC's founding principles of dancing on Saturday, no willies before 9pm and something or other about education.'

Unlike the Murdoch funded University of Offal & Outrage, this BBC version will at least have spellcheck. While the school's new moto will be: 'Just tell us what to write'.

Image: Geralt/Pixabay

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