Obese fans demand fat Dr Who

A group of overweight Dr Who fans says that a fat Dr Who is long overdue.

The leader of the group said, 'We've had a whole range of Doctors - old, young, white, black, male and female. And not one of them was packing extra pounds.  Tom Baker was quite chubby when he was in the Randall and Hopkirk reboot, but that doesn't count.

'A fat Dr Who would be a role model to overweight kids everywhere.  Which means most of the kids in this country, at least.  You've got to play to your core audience.

'We think that it could be approached playfully...the Doctor gets stuck in TARDIS doors, the TARDIS is bigger on the inside but not big enough, Daleks don’t recognise him on account of the weight gain, the Doctor can't use his sonic screwdriver with sausage fingers…that sort of thing.

'Other fan groups are arguing their own cases. Some want a Welsh Doctor, or a lactose intolerant Doctor, an invisible Doctor, a vegan Doctor, a Doctor with two heads and three arms, all sorts of daft things.  All in good time, we say.   All we’re asking is for Billie Piper to bulk up.’

Image from pixabay

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Transgender individual arrested for listening to Woman's Hour

An individual who was born male, but transgendered to become female, has been arrested after her neighbour heard them listening to Woman’s Hour and made a police complaint.

It isn’t clear at this stage if they will be charged, or under which offence, but a BBC spokesperson told Newsbiscuit 'It should be obvious from the programme’s name that anyone who isn’t legally a woman, shouldn’t be listening to Woman's Hour.'

We asked the BBC if it had plans to broadcast a programme to cater for the interests of transgender people. A BBC spokesperson, who politely declined to say which gender they identify as, explained that the BBC had to comply with the law and its own strict equality rules. It would therefore be necessary to have separate additional programmes to cater for transgender women as well transgender men; possibly even transgender hermaphrodites. They noted that a decision has still to be made about whether a 1923 proposal for a programme called Man’s Hour can go ahead, and advised us they wouldn’t hold their breath, if they were us.

Image credit: Wix AI

Britain mourns death of BBC man with a beard

The nation walked around dazed with grief on Sunday, and the cranes alongside the Thames were dipped in mourning at the news the BBC had lost one of it finest ever men with a beard and glasses.

'Nala Botney didn't play in an orchestra, compose any symphonies or paint landscapes, but he defined Britain's arts more than anyone else in his era with his huge talent for eating canapés in the Crush Bar at the Royal Opera House,' said a BBC chatbot set to 'tribute' mode.

Botney rose through the ranks of the BBC to become Director of Beards, Director of Glasses and Controller of BeardBC One and BeardBC Two.

'He was a genius at having lunch in the front of house restaurant at the National Theatre, wearing a beard, some glasses and a crushed linen jacket,' reminisced former chief BBC suit, Lord Tony Pin-Stripe.

'I will never forget the time I asked him at the Athenaeum: Would you like to join me in a strawberry and pistachio mousse?' continued Pin-Strip.

'If it's on expenses, then naturally, he replied. Classic Botney! What a loss he'll be to the central London culinary scene.'

Nala Botney thrilled Britain with landmark series such as 'Let's Gush About Ballet', 'Let's Gush About Opera' and 'Let's Gush about Annoying Interpretive Dances', which get repeated on BBC Four year after year until the tapes break.

Picture credit: Stable diffusion