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Construction Site Manager Colin Mappin who was in the queue behind OAP Doris Wilkes (75) at Tesco Redditch said: 'My spirits hit the floor as Doris and her tartan wheelie managed to get to the till in front of me. I thought, here we go, by the time she's counted out the odd seventy-seven pence and used at least fifteen money-off vouchers my lunch break's going to be over. So imagine my surprise when she just whipped out her bank card nice as you like and paid within seconds.'
But just when Colin thought he was home and dry disaster struck. 'She knew the lady on the till, a third cousin of her late husband's uncle, and subsequently Doris engaged her in a ten-minute conversation about how "Bert had to have a bag fitted" and "Alice was found dead in her flat after having lain there undiscovered for three days".'
A starving Colin later confirmed: 'In the end I had to put my stuff back on the shelves as I had a meeting scheduled at two.'
Photo by Victoriano Izquierdo on Unsplash
Claiming to raise awareness over climate issues, the activist has just used it as an excuse to pinch hubcaps, vandalize a scout hut and punch a badger. Promising to break the law to save the environment, all he seems to have done so far, is threaten an elderly passersby and pocket pic'n'mix from the local corner shop.
Terrorizing his neighbourhood, Packham has hijacked a local skate park, to sell weed to sixth formers and set fire to bins. His criminal enterprise will only stop when the earth is saved or when he gets nicked for soliciting.
Targetted acts have ended up indiscriminate crimes, culminating with him having graffitied a family of otters. Police have caught him stealing traffic cones and daring his mates to trespass on the railway line. The BBC said 'It's not Spring Watch, it's Neighbourhood Watch.
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