New budget airline seeks to expand its innovative new business model

Aviation experts are keenly watching new airline PissAir (formerly trading as Jettison) whose, some say, radical business strategy is that it doesn't actually fly anywhere. It simply leases clapped-out, non-airworthy aircraft which it parks air-side in odd tucked-away corners at various unpopular, cash-strapped airports.

A PissAir spokesperson commented: 'We fill the aircraft full of brain-dead drunks to whom we flog cheap (but still highly-profitable) duty-free booze until they can't drink any more, or they pass out.

'Our package holidays are highly profitable and very popular since our customers can never remember whether or not they ever actually flew anywhere, and mostly don't care.'

It's understood Ryanair CEO, Mick O'Leary, is keenly awaiting Pissair's first year of trading figures before offering his opinion on the venture.

Photo by Bornil Amin on Unsplash

Aviation regulator grounds all flying carpets

Following a spate of rug-based aircraft incidents, the Floorcovering Aviation Administration has grounded flying carpets. The move has been described by many as 'too little, too late', as it should have included lino, and come prior to the Carpetright sales.

The FAA issued a short statement:

'Any rug taking flight from atop a wig-wearer's head, we'll overlook that. But substantial merkin slippage is right out. As is any pilot attempting to navigate the skies on a levitating floor syrup.

'Those who think they can get away on class two throws, fireplace bearskins or even fancy leopard fur private jets will lose their licenses and be stripped of their dangly tassels.

'The only exception to this are those taking off and landing at Rugby Municipal Airport, as it has the code RUG.'

One air traffic incident last Tuesday evening involving multiple yoga mats was described by witnesses as 'horrific' and 'forming a deep pile on the ground'. One survivor admitted, 'The shag simply wasn't lush enough.'

Air accident investigators examining the scene confirmed, 'It could take weeks to establish the underlaying problem.'

Image: emsquared - Pixabay

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Aviation regulator grounds all flying carpets

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