.
top of page
Search
An Audi driver who you helpfully double-flashed your lights at so he could come out of a busy junction in front of you into queuing rush hour traffic, was going to do it anyway, it has been confirmed.
'I'd definitely already started to emerge from the junction well before you flashed me’, confirmed sales manager Mike McBride.
‘And to be honest, I’d have come out even if you'd been going at forty miles an hour, and there was only a millisecond to complete the risky manoeuvre’.
‘Definitely no need for me to acknowledge your kind gesture with a raised hand, a quick nod of my head, or the universally recognised double click of my hazard lights to thank you’, noted McBride. ‘No, sirree’.
‘Things to do, people to see. My time is just way more important than yours’, continued McBride, studiously avoiding any eye-contact with you in his rear-view mirror until he was able to jump some traffic lights and accelerate away.
McBride has confirmed that he will see you on the motorway later, when he will undoubtedly be ignoring all the ‘lane closing’ signs until the very last minute, at which point he’ll nonchalantly pop his indicator on and expect you to let him move back into the middle lane.
Image: jl_creativespace | Pixabay
Chairman of the Audi Drivers Association, Mick Souter, has said that Audi drivers are fully aware of the new changes to the Highway Code.
'It's essential to bear in mind that there is nothing in the new rules, or indeed in the Highway Code itself, which applies to Audi drivers.'
'The people of the UK regard us as true heroes of the road. Indicating at junctions, giving way and the ability to identify a cyclist is all completely alien to us. Our members are going to continue driving everywhere at ninety miles an hour, parking at thirty-degree angles in supermarket car parks and knocking small children down like nine pins.'
Transport secretary Grant Shapps confirmed that none of the new rules or any rules for that matter applied to Audi drivers. He dismissed concerns that inconvenient tree-hugging cyclists were in any way at risk.
'The feedback I've received from cyclist groups is that they enjoy the frisson of excitement when an Audi wanker screams by within half an inch of their pedals. If we make Audi drivers comply with the new rules, Britain's roads would be very dull places indeed, and none of us would want to see that.'
bottom of page