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The announcement from NASA that a huge asteroid is hurtling towards Earth, and will undoubtedly wipe out every form of life when it hits, was followed ten minutes later by an article on the Guardian's website claiming that Black gay transwomen will be worst affected.
The article, by the Guardian's regular "misogynoir correspondent" Batti al Wakko, claims that "structural factors in racist, patriarchal Western society" make Black gay transwomen particularly vulnerable to lumps of rock the size of Idaho approaching at fifty thousand miles an hour.
The article was greeted with astonishment by a NASA spokesman, who asked how she could possibly not understand that literally everyone is going to die instantly when the asteroid hits. Al Wakko retorted that the spokesman (a term she objected to) was demonstrating typical white, male, hetero, cis privilege in not seeing the problem, and she objected to his using the pronoun "she" in relation to her when she hadn't declared that she preferred it.
She also added that white supremacy was clearly the cause of the asteroid's trajectory, and it was high time a conversation about reparations was held. Surprisingly the NASA spokesman agreed, suggesting the day after the asteroid hits for talks to begin.
image from pixabay
An alien is beginning legal action against NASA, after a probe to the asteroid Bennu collected a sample and then returned it to Earth.
Zuflaxizog said 'Stole a sample I think you'll find. I had just finished renovating my summer house and that probe has made a complete mess of my garden. Mrs Zuflaxizog is not pleased. You have a cheek calling Bennu the most dangerous rock in the Solar System, when Suella Braverman lives on your one. Going to a new world and stealing stuff - it's all a bit British Museum, isn't it?'
Zuflaxizog added 'I felt a great disturbance, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. So either a planet has been destroyed or the Met Police have been violently kettling a peaceful demonstration, Suella-style.'
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