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eppursimuove
Apr 18

Angela Rayner failed to declare income for TV ads with “monkeh”



The saga over Angela Rayner’s finances took a new twist today, when it was alleged that she failed to declare the income from a series of TV ads she made in the 1990s.


The ads, for a popular brand of teabags, featured Rayner and a small puppet called “monkeh” living together in a house in the north of England.


Rayner issued a statement today saying that the house was wholly owned by monkeh, who advised her that living there rent-free didn’t constitute a benefit-in-kind she needed to declare.


Asked whether she should really have taken financial advice from a monkey puppet, Rayner replied that the only alternative was Diane Abbott, “so it seemed the lesser of two evils, really”.


Small, hairy and with the ability to recognise a few simple words, Angela Rayner is Deputy Leader of the Labour Party.



Writer's picturestewartbarclay
Apr 16

Angela Rayner is Keyser Soze confirm Conservatives



Capo dei capi Angela Rayner now stands accused of the Brinks Mat robbery, the disappearance of Shergar and being both Jack the Ripper and Harold Shipman. Several Tory MPs have been seen running away in tears after Rayner beat them up, gave them a wedgie and flushed their heads down the toilet.


'Is RAYNER coming to MURDER you. And worse, lower your house price?' screamed the Mail, clutching its pearls and the caps lock key.


Having been told to jump, British Broadcasting Conservative Laura Kuenssberg happily did so, to various heights and indeed lengths to keep the story in the news.


One Tory Lord said 'Rayner made me open a series of fraudulent shell companies in the Cayman Islands for siphoning public money. It's her fault there's no money for public services!'




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