Angela Rayner calls in DIY:SOS to help build a million homes

Ms Rayner, who admits the promised number may have stemmed from a drink fuelled night in Ibiza, stated the main advantage of utilising the programme’s workforce is obviously cost. 'They cheerfully volunteer to build and renovate for nothing, giving up their free time for a good cause. And believe me there is no better cause right now than my reputation and getting these homes constructed and occupied.'

DIY:SOS front man, Nick Knowles, said the team are always up for a challenge, but is not sure if 1.5 million homes can be squeezed out of the BBC budget. However, right now he is more concerned with the ganchos and sacadas of his Argentine Tango. 'Strictly speaking, that’s what I’m bricking at the moment'.

For the deputy Prime Minister there are not too many other options available. She did, however, remain upbeat. 'There is one other solution. Can we fix it? Yes we can.'

Image: WixAI

The Government show they’re serious about funny business

Accused of talking Britain down and focussing too much on economic doom and gloom, the Government have turned to comedy to lighten the messaging, starting with the Labour HQ ( Humour Quotient).

A Downing Street source told us, “Let’s bring back the Whitehall Farce. We need to step up the slapstick and ensure we make contact with every banana skin. After all we know the public love to see a pratfall.”

Realising that Sir Keir comes across as slightly robotic, the suggestion is he throws in a robot dance to accompany every speech, and Rachel Reeves is expected now to deliver her first Budget from the Comedy Store.

Another idea is for Angela Rayner to wear clown make-up for interviews, sing a quick chorus of ‘Baggy Trousers’, and stick a custard pie in the face of Laura Kuenssberg.

As our source put it, “If pensioners are going to freeze this winter they may as well die laughing.”

image from pixabay

Angela Rayner gets it on