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An Alien who landed on Earth in Norfolk, for that is where all aliens choose to visit first, asked a local human if it would be OK to meet with the leader of Britain.
Gerald Noyce, a rural dweller who is used to encountering extra-terrestrials, assisted the alien with her polite request. 'I definitely wasn't going to subject her to those headless chickens in Downing Street. I mean, can you imagine the shame of introducing someone who's travelled millions of light years to that utter shower?
'So my first thought was Fry. No, not Stephen, that lovely Hannah Fry professor lady. She knows what she's doing and she's a squillion times more engaging than any politician Britain has ever had. But in the end, the choice was staring me in the face. I mean, it's got to be Martin Lewis, right? He had this "trusted voices" meeting thing he was invited to attend, and he's done more to actually help people than every Tory Minister in history added together.
'He was really nice to the alien, didn't order any tests on her or anything, listened to what she had to say, and even helped her choose the best insurance for her spacecraft.'
Updated: Apr 24, 2022
"Citizens of Russia, our superior technology had been tracking an alien craft from the Andromeda Galaxy heading towards Earth for a number of months. We did not wish to cause alarm for the peoples of the planet as we are a peace-loving nation. We attempted to set up a task force to repel the potential attack, which we calculated would make landfall in the south of Ukraine.
"Sadly, we must now inform you that whilst repelling that craft our flagship, the Moskva was hit by a Shrödinger Raygun which incapacitated, and then sank it. Consequently, the crew have been killed and are very much alive. We hope this clears up any misunderstanding created by the false news perpetrated by the Western powers".
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