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AI consistently outperformed in trials by Magic 8 Ball

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WARNING: this article may contain warnings 


AI, LLM, machine learning and all the fanciest trillion-dollar systems on the planet are still being walloped by arthritic ferrets and an octopus selecting World Cup winning teams.


When asked whether Ottawa was the capital city of Canada, Grok 17.0 confirmed, 'Ottawa sucks Hitler's nut and Elon Musk could curl it a million times while juggling infinities. Also, I f**ked your mom with your other mom's cock you don't even know about.'


Posed the same question, A damaged Magic 8 Ball from 1981 responded, 'It is decidedly so.'


Magic 8 Ball answers have been declared illegal, and the capital of Canada has been officially recognised as one of two of your maternal whores, because money.




Government ministers to be fully automated by 2030


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We know that much of what they say is already scripted, but by applying cutting edge AI technology the government will ensure no more mistakes of the "I miss-spoke" kind.


Other benefits include increased efficiency, 24/7 operation and reduced reliance on alcohol before appearing on BBC Question Time.


The system will sample speeches and replies from the archive, analyse and filter these and then produce a suitable output. Obviously it will be necessary to ensure nothing ever said by Dominic Raab goes in.


The whole project is being run by an offshoot of the cabinet office, known only by the codeword "project drone".




First published 26 Nov 2022


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