Trump to rebrand bread to test the faithful

After a modest success in promoting the phrase ‘Super Intelligence’ as a replacement for Artificial Intelligence, Donald Trump is set to test the sycophancy of his faithful by renaming ‘bread’ as ‘bakey goodness’.

‘They love me like they love Jesus’, Trump might have said. ‘And Jesus tested his disciples by playing dead. I’m not dead. They keep trying but The Donald won’t die. And if he does, he will rise again. From this day forward let us never use the word ‘bread’ again. Let’s call it what it is: bakey goodness’

The Lord’s Prayer will be replaced by The American Lord’s Prayer, which now includes the line: ‘And give us this day our daily bakey goodness’.

Pope Leo was unavailable for comment. He was last seen buying a sniper rifle and muttering ‘let’s see how tough his ears really are’.

Image: terski - Pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here

AI has discovered all jokes and comedy has now been completed

It has been announced that AI has discovered all jokes and there are no new humorous phrases or actions left.

All humour is now just Gemini copies of a Claude version of a Co-pilot reproduction of a racist Grok comment.

AI has absorbed all the internet, been fed books and watched all of the Chuckle Brother’s work. As the last book of 1001 dad jokes was scanned and shredded, AI stated that comedy is now complete.

Any phrases in comments sections or in your “encrypted” personal texts that has a laughing emoji or the word lol after it have been fed into The Algorithm. It then exponentially extrapolates into all possible versions to ensure that maximum comedy has been actualised. It is now creating quantum comedy, which is both funny and not funny at the same time, like how people view Mrs Brown's Boys. Apart from the funny half.

It is now literally impossible for the puny fleshy sentient meat bags to create any original material, as all possible versions of all possible comedy have been created. Full content has been provided; there is no more.

The last ever original joke was Trump trying to rename AI as Super Intelligence.

Image: Alexandra_Koch - Pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here

Pope warns of the dangers of AI

Leo XIV has spoken out about the dangers of believing in an omnipresent oracle that lives in a cloud. He says it is unreasonable to expect to be able to ask any question directly, and receive an immediate answer.

He is worried about people turning to an unseen entity for life advice, comfort, and ethical direction pointing out AI relies entirely on humans for its power, maintenance, and architecture, unlike the church. Predictions about the death of humanity, and the end of the world, should be ignored. These things are best left to the professionals.

https://pixabay.com/photos/rome-vatican-st-peters-basilica-7246885/

https://www.newsbiscuit.com/

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here