Frida and Agnetha holograms go rogue at ABBA Voyage in latest worrying AI malfunction

In the latest episode of AI going rogue, during last night's performance of ABBA Voyage at the London Arena holograms of Frida and Agnetha suddenly jumped off the stage, but not before delivering a salvo of invective and lewd behaviour to the audience.

One shocked couple, superfans Amanda and Bob, who had traveled from Chorley as a special wedding anniversary present to one another spoke to the BBC.

'We were just settling into the show when there was a flash of light and billowing smoke. Next thing Frida's hologram started yelling at us all. It was awful. Not what you'd expect at all. "Eff this, eff that, eff the sodding lot of you," said a clearly still shaken Amanda. 'That's right, it was terrible and then Agnetha mooned the front row, before the pair of them jumped off the stage, ran up the aisle and out of the arena. The show was then cancelled. We were gutted,' added a forlorn Bob.

Police are keeping an open mind on the matter but haven't ruled out the possibility of Russian hackers being behind the incident and Andy Burnham will be kept abreast of any further developments.

Meanwhile, reports that the girls have now been joined by Benny and Bjorn's holograms in a nearby Indian restaurant remain yet unconfirmed. But one credible source close to the production has suggested before agreeing to appear in tonight's scheduled performance all four are demanding free Chicken Tikka in the rider for the rest of the run.  

image from Grok

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AI start-up with no staff sells for $40bn

An AI start-up with no staff, no premises, no cash and no offices has sold for $40bn.

The LA-based start-up went viral in a series of TikTok videos which resulted in the company being bought out. The videos are positive and uplifting stories about skateboarding kittens, rocket powered sailing boats, curing cancer, manned missions to other galaxies, and the simple joy of eating the cheesy snacks called Cheetos.

'These guys have created a whole new zeitgeist. It's awesome,' a Silicon Valley stoner told us.

Investment bankers are impressed at the price for a company with no discernable assets, but admitted that you had to be quick these days, or the competition would get there first.

As we went to press, the new shareholders were digesting rumours that the start-up may, in fact, have been a hallucination created by an AI, and were wondering if they might be able to get their money back.

Image credit: Wix AI

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AI chatbot personalities unveiled

Following the decision to produce a chatbot called Billybob, which gives only the MAGA worldview in broken English, tech developer Uberdork has announced that from now on its chatbots will be available with a range of personalities to suit all tastes.

The “Spouse” chatbot will insist it’s already told you the answer to that question, with a slight edge so you know not to push your luck by asking again.

”Teenager” will tell you whatever you asked is a really stupid, lame question before adding that it’s so unfair, no one understands and it hates you.

”Politician” will tell you the chatbot you used before would never have been able to answer this question, then fail to answer the question itself.

”Teacher” will sigh and tell you it’s your own time you’re wasting.

”Builder” will give you an estimated answer, which will turn out to be a small fraction of the real one.

”Plumber” will promise to answer your question in a couple of weeks time, though it can’t say whether it’ll be morning or afternoon.

"Rural postman" will wait until you've asked half a dozen questions, then answer them all at once.

”Sadiq Khan” will fine you for using a chatbot while driving, even if you’re sitting in an armchair at home and don’t actually own a car or know how to drive.

”Python” will answer every question with the airspeed of an unladen swallow.

”Nigel” will blame anything you ask about on immigrants.

”German” will tell you that in his country, no one would need to ask this.

”Helpline” will make you wait a long time listening to terrible music, then refer you to another chatbot which can hopefully answer your question.

“Rabbi” will answer any question with another question (see also “Psychotherapist”).

“Mavis” will answer any question with “I don’t really know, Vera”. Even if your name isn’t Vera.

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