Gov't to tackle rushed Ts & Cs on radio ads

An MP has tabled a bill to change the way terms and conditions, especially those involving finance, are broadcast on radio.

'You listen to an advert extolling how sexy you will look in a new car from a mainstream manufacturer, or how much interest you will earn on an investment and then the critical Ts & Cs are rushed through without a break in the words. It satisfies the law as it's written,' the MP stated,' but it isn't right so I've submitted a bill to stop this happening.'

He added,

'thebillmightnotsucceedandifitdoesitmaynotachievethedesiredeffectyourfirstbornisatriskandthevalueofparliametarybillscangoupordown.'

Photo by Soundtrap on Unsplash

BBC to be funded by Twitter Verified status

With the licence fee unlikely to be extended beyond FY 26/27, the BBC is searching for ways to fund itself.  'Obviously advertising isn't going to work,' a corporation spokesman stated, noting the decline in advertising revenue globally that would only be diluted by the BBC entering the party.  It was thought that making the taxpayer fund the broadcaster was the solution - practically the same as a licence fee but just not pretending the licence isn't a tax.  But then it was noted that Sky owner, Rupert Murdoch, appeared to support the idea.  'So that's off the table, then,' said the spokesman.

A subscription model has been discussed, but it is thought to be as successful as running a Premier football team without a shady oligarch funding the 95% shortfall in costs being covered, or not covered, by ticket sales.  'Shame really, as some of our staff are paid like Premier League footballers, especially as some of them used to be Premier League footballers,' he added.

'We did consider the GB News model - spout fascist propaganda 24/7, employ horrible, nasty presenters and market mainly hate, but to be fair Laura Kuenssberg is already filling that role and then you're back to the 95% of costs needed to be covered by a shady oligarch,' he said.

'So, we've decided to invest £8 a month for a verified blue tick - it actually wasn't the BBC who got the verified tick, it was a made up person called @brian0999945733745 who got it - and all our content is going to run on Twitter and Musk will pay, pay, pay,' said the Spokesman.  

'We're not doing it on Facebook, though.  That would be really lowering ourselves.  We've got standards,' he lied.

Ho ho... NO!

Beverage giant, Coca Cola, has been slammed by a hapless Hertfordshire small businessman over a UK version of its Christmas advert featuring a convoy of twenty-five articulated lorries making a seasonal delivery of its iconic brand.

Trevor Oldroyd, owner of Trev's Minimarket in Watford said: 'It was lovely at first when I was chosen for the new ad. When the film crew set up all the Christmas lights and decorations outside the shop it looked really fantastic.

’Especially when the the snow machine was switched on, but when the choir started singing "holidays are coming, holidays are coming" and those lorries arrived and offloaded four hundred pallets of Coke it was total chaos. The cops had to close the road, and the council shut down my shop.

'I've now been issued with a summons for causing an illegal obstruction and breach of the peace. The cost of it all is going to put me out of business. Merry Christmas, Coca Cola? Merry Christmas my fucking arse.'

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash