Port Talbot to focus on producing actors

With the sad news that the blast furnaces at Port Talbot steelworks are closing today, signalling another milestone in the decline of heavy industry in Britain, the city authorities have announced they will now be focussing on producing actors instead.

'For a small city, we have an incredible track record in this area - Richard Burton, Anthony Hopkins, Michael Sheen... and yes, I suppose, Rob Brydon as well. So we just have to work how we were doing it, and do it some more.'

Plans have been drawn up to turn the site of the blast furnaces into a huge drama school, inevitably named The Drama Furnace, with all local kids to be offered free places, whether they show any talent or interest or not.

However, some have queried whether producing more actors would really help Port Talbot, since they’d most likely move to Hollywood as soon as they got famous - or in Rob Brydon’s case, Strawberry Hill in the south west London suburbs.

'And anyway, what if instead of more Richard Burtons, we end up producing more James Cordens - more Gavins than Staceys if you will. We'd have to go back to mining coal.'

Image: stafichukanatoly - Pixabay

Shock as sitcom star announces intention to star in a sitcom

In a surprise move one high profile sitcom star is set to break ranks with their contemporaries by actually starring in a new sitcom.

The move has taken media by surprise, as in recent years successful sitcom performers have only been making travelogues. Quite often with a parent in tow, where they schlep around the countryside, or indeed in some cases the world, voicing over sumptuous shots of stunning scenery, sampling exotic culture and food and simply having one massive freebie they are then able to pass off as a TV show.

One such star who wished to remain anonymous commenting on the news said, 'I suppose I understand what's happening. It's their conscience. Guilt at betraying their artistic integrity and all that highfalutin cobblers. But, look. I had the pressure of writing my show, learning lines and then the sheer hard graft of getting it in the can. Out on shoots at all hours in the bloody freezing cold weather.

'Well now that I've made a name for myself my fans can sod that for a game of soldiers. I'm off to Australia with my Mum and an ITV cameraman next month for what's essentially a six-week all-expenses-paid 5-star holiday. And I'll probably win a BAFTA for my trouble. A fat lot more than I ever got for making people laugh.'

image from pixabay

Dame Maggie Stiff

.