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Hollywood remembers Actor - just not very accurately



A Hollywood legend has passed. Colleagues waxed lyrical in the blandest of terms. Friends spoke of his untimely death caused by a lifestyle of doing things that will kill you. Followed by gushing tributes from people he owed money to.


Fortunately his obituary provided a translation for those not versed in Hollywood speak, he was described as a loving husband (meaning gay). A devoted father (so a cuckold then). The life and soul (a drunk). An Artist (unprofitable). A Visionary (bat $hit crazy). And uncompromising (definitely racist).


One Director described him as a mercurial talent (which means always late for work). An Action Hero (so he couldn't act). A Heartthrob (he definitely couldn't act). And was a firm Fan's favourite (so, hated by cast and crew).


He was one of the greats - old school (so a nonce, basically).



Cinema to trial “playing off” long, self-indulgent films



The tendency of actors to use awards ceremonies as a platform for long self-indulgent speeches has long been the bane of TV producers trying to prevent the show overrunning.


Repeat offender Adrien Brady spoke for seemingly several hours after winning 2025’s Best Actor Oscar for his role in The Brutalist, thanking everyone he ever met as well as setting out his philosophy of life, the universe and everything.


“He even shared some favourite recipes at one point,” said one veteran Oscars watcher. “Though to be honest, I may have nodded off and dreamed that bit.”


“It was exactly like the film,” said Dave Acrylic, manager of the Vue Multiplex cinema in Hanworth. “It carried on long after you’d got the point it was trying to make, and in the end just got tedious.


”Which made me think, why not just ‘play off’ any film that outstays its welcome by just rolling the closing credits?”


He added that he hadn’t yet worked out exactly when this would be for every film, though in the case of The Brutalist he thought “probably about the beginning of the third day.”


image from pixabay


Emerging young actor not related to any famous old actors




Journalists writing about the much-hyped new Channel 4 series “Devington Hall” have made the remarkable discovery that its breakout star, Sebastian Cutlery-Drawer, isn’t related to any famous actors.



”I was writing the standard puff piece about him, as his agent requested,” said Glenda Sludge of the Independent. “I was about to write that being the son of whoever only meant he had to work even harder to prove he was there on merit, when I realised I couldn’t remember whose son he was. 



“So I googled him, and I couldn’t believe it - it turns out his dad’s a solicitor and his mum’s an accountant. I mean, WTF?”



The producer of the show denied they were going out on a limb by casting a young actor with no show business family connections.



“You do realise, all the actors whose kids are now entering the profession were themselves cast just because they were good actors? Believe it or not, that used to be the norm. It’s only in recent years we’ve started treating showbiz families like some kind of gold mine, to be exploited to exhaustion before we even consider looking elsewhere.



“Besides, Channel 4 only gave us permission to do it on condition that Jeremy Irons’ son, Anthony Minghella’s son, Jude Law’s son, David Tennant’s son, Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman’s daughter, Peter Hall’s daughter, Tilda Swinton’s daughter, Imelda Staunton’s daughter, Phil Collins’ daughter, Lenny Kravitz’s daughter, Andie McDowell’s daughter and Johnny Depp’s daughter would all make an appearance before the end of the first series. And maybe a Beckham or two, if they fancy giving acting a go?”


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